Blended families are increasingly common. This can be due to several reasons. Blended families are formed when two people who have children from previous relationships decide to marry and form a family unit. These children could either be biological or adopted. After getting married, they too might decide to have children of their own.

This type of family is sometimes a result of divorce, the death of a spouse, or someone who had a child but never got married. This type of family can also be called a stepfamily because children from previous relationships are coming together as the couple is coming together.

Raising a successful family, no matter its type or dynamics, is not easy. Each family has its own unique set of challenges, and some challenges are unique to blended families. This is not to say that they cannot be overcome; all challenges can be if those involved are committed, patient, and understanding. Agoura Christian Counseling can provide guidance and support in navigating these challenges.

Building a functioning family unit that is blended is attainable when those in the family, especially the couple themselves, are invested in learning how to manage their new family setup. If the couple is stable and confident, the children and everyone else around will be confident, and they lead from them.

Helpful strategies for blended families.

Open and honest communication.

For people to thrive, find their feet, and deal with difficult emotions, there needs to be a safe space created for those in the family to share honestly and openly. The couple is responsible for making this a reality by how they create space for each other and hence create space for their children and all members involved.

Strive for inclusivity.

All family members will be looking for belonging and acceptance at the start. Some children find it easy, and some children might find it harder. Inclusivity is making the extra effort that might be needed to make those who feel isolated feel more a part of the family. This could be as simple as learning what their favorite movie is and having the whole family go watch it with them, caring about what they care about so they feel seen and included.

Respect and civility.

Love, affection, and bonding are the results of time spent and the relationship built, however, from the onset, both partners need to insist on respect and civility when relating to all members of the new family. This way, they will learn to respect their stepparent, step-siblings, and all extended family members. This is not just for the children but the couple as well; they will lead by example.

It’s not just about the children.

Most times when blended families are discussed, the focus is on the children. As important as the children’s ability to adjust is important, the couple also needs to nurture and build their relationship so they have something solid to stand on. Couple counseling or pre-marital counseling is recommended. For the family to thrive their union needs to thrive.

Make space for excitement and grief.

Acknowledging that family members can experience both the excitement of the new family and still grieve the one they had is important. This is the time to support children and spouses as they go through the normal feelings of change and transition. This can be especially true if children experience the death of a parent. Moving on can be viewed as betrayal and these truths need to be held and understood with empathy and support.

Manage co-parenting expectations.

For those with ex-partners who are still alive, there needs to be a level of respect and civility. Adherence to co-parenting agreements needs to be upheld. Helping children maintain a good relationship with their other parent can be a huge source of comfort for them and hence they can adapt to the new arrangement quicker.

Have realistic expectations.

It is important to establish and communicate expectations. However, to avoid frustration and discouragement one must have realistic expectations, especially with children. Being understanding and adaptable will be essential, especially in the first few months.

Ask for help.

One of the advantages of blended families is that one adopts a large pool of extended family members who can offer help and assistance whenever needed. Grandparents, aunts, and uncles are available to fill in for the parents when schedules clash or if they need extra help as they settle the children.

Christian family counseling

If you feel you and your family might need some outside input and professional assistance, get in touch with our offices. At Agoura Christian Counseling in California, we have qualified family counselors who are ready to support you and your family as you start this journey.

How can you as a parent do what is best for your teen when they go through periods where they clearly struggle with mental health issues? It is difficult to understand the type of help to give as teens seem to be going through so many changes related to growing up – their physical body is changing, they are learning to deal with their emotions, and there are mental changes caused by puberty.

So, how can you tell the difference between what is normal from a developmental point of view and what needs trained, professional support in the form of teen counseling? Agoura Christian Counseling can help provide guidance in understanding these differences.

Is this normal or do we need teen counseling?

Teenage years often feature many storms of emotion and outburst as teenagers experience this time of change as a period of vulnerability. Teens struggle with their shift in emotions, discovering who they are, a changing body, and changing how they relate to others.

During this time, parents may find that teenagers pull back and create a stormy atmosphere in the home and family.

Parents would have witnessed these types of transition periods before with their teens, first as babies, then toddlers, and later children. As an individual, your child goes through their own types of changes and their personality and home environment makes their experience unique.

With teens there is a level of uniformity as you deal with common issues such as hormone changes, valuing independence, showing interest in romantic relationships, spending more time with friends, and an increase in sensation-seeking tendencies, as well as considering future plans more thoughtfully.

Indicators when teen counseling may help

While reading through these indicators, parents should remember that some mental health problems show themselves during adolescence (between the ages of 10 and 19 years old) and some of the signs below show that a child is struggling.

Be on the lookout for how your child behaves – which can be made worse through the wrong type of exposure on social media. Keep in mind that issues related to self-harm or suicide need immediate professional attention.

Relationally pulling back from friends, or family, or both

The teenage years are often marked by sharing less with parents and being hesitant to provide the same level of information as before. This is normal. However, if your child pulls back from relationships with family that they used to enjoy, it may indicate issues relating to several types of events, including self-esteem, depression, trauma, or bullying. Teen counseling can help by offering a secure, impartial environment for teens to explore this further.

Lack of interest in regular activities

A reduced ability to experience pleasure is a regular symptom of depression. In teens, it can often be seen as a loss of interest in their passions and far less time being spent in activities that they previously enjoyed. This feeling, termed anhedonia, can also be accompanied by a feeling of futility and frustration.

Teen counseling helps teenagers to recognize these symptoms within themselves and determine how to approach them. Several coping skills and exercises to change thinking patterns can be taught and learned for managing well.

Motivation deflates to an all-time low

If your teen suddenly just does not care and shows a massively reduced level of motivation, this may be a sign of depression, anxiety, transitional stress, or substance abuse. The feeling of being overwhelmed to get your life back on track can be paralyzing. Teen therapy will help your teenager explore what is blocking their motivation and discover how to develop a roadmap to achieve their goals.

Simmering anger levels

If your teen is spending their time chronically angry, then it may be worthwhile to find out more. Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences. However, frustration is temporary, while chronic anger is a symptom of something unhealthy beneath the surface.

Other mental health conditions that can be linked to anger can include:

• ADHD
• Anxiety
• Borderline Personality Disorder
• Depression
• Eating disorders
• PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• Stress
• Substance abuse

If there is a lot of explosive anger, especially the type that often requires intervention, this can lead to major trouble while navigating school as well as relationships. Being able to regulate and understand emotions is a key life skill that teen counseling is able to teach.

Drinking or drug use

It may be a parent’s worst nightmare to discover that their child is drinking or involved in drug abuse. While it is normal for teens to experiment and take higher risks than they would have previously, experimental use can lead to habitual use, and this can spiral very quickly into addiction.

Receiving a substance use assessment during teen counseling will help your teen navigate the various triggers and stress points they have. It also gives a good opportunity to discuss other treatment options that are available.

A change in eating habits

Adolescence can be a time when eating disorders emerge. If as a parent you notice significant weight changes, eating in secret, evidence of binge eating or purging (such as self-induced vomiting), unhelpful comments about their body, then be aware that your teen may be in the middle of a tough time. Teen counseling will be able to assist with recovery from this change and refer to a higher level of care if this is required.

Being extremely anxious and stressed

“No worries” may be an expression to indicate that things are going well, but in actual fact it is perfectly normal to experience a level of worry. The warning sign is when the worry becomes overriding and grows to become chronic anxiety. Anxiety disorders, PTSD, or having trouble matching up to the expectations of those around you can all bring about mental health problems that manifest as chronic anxiety.

Teens are often particularly stressed about situations linked to things such as a sporting or cultural performance, a significant test or exam, or social interactions. If their anxiety is unhealthy, teen counseling can help. Learning how to relax and think differently during times of anxiety can provide a series of very useful tools for your teen to access, during adolescence and throughout life.

Brushing up against the law and getting into trouble

Defying your parents is pretty normal teen behavior. However, parents can get worried when this extends to legal trouble. Sometimes teenagers get into legal trouble to gain attention or because of other issues in their life. Either way, a criminal record can have permanent consequences in someone’s life.

Teen therapy provides a productive environment where teenagers are guided to explore their motives for their behavior and learn different strategies to effectively cope with these motives in a healthy manner.

A complete refresh of their friends

Friends are often welcome in anyone’s life. But dropping all your old friends and moving to new friends within a short space of time can indicate there is an underlying issue. If some peer groups include bullying or unwelcome pressure, then changing a friendship circle can be a good move.

However, there are times when the new friends take part in self-destructive, high-risk, and sometimes unlawful behavior. A therapist is well placed to assess if there are any signs of potential distress.

Grief at a significant loss

Teenagers can be profoundly impacted by grief – this could be in the death of a dearly loved family member, or the break-up of a significant relationship. Some teens do open up to their families about their feelings, while others pull back and isolate themselves. Either way, teen counseling is designed to assist any teenager to process their grief and cope in way that leads them to make healthy choices.

Next steps

Are you looking for excellent, experienced, and professional teen counseling? If so, browse our online counselor directory or contact our office at  Agoura Christian Counseling to schedule an appointment. We would be honored to walk with you on this journey.

A divorce is a traumatic event, for the couple going through it, for their family and friends looking on, and, perhaps most notably, for the children of the parents whose marriage is splitting up. Children of divorce can sometimes be “forgotten” in terms of having their emotional pain acknowledged. This is because children do not always respond to situations predictably, and in many cases, adults will report that they are handling the circumstances remarkably well.

On the surface, they may appear to be extremely resilient, but the fact remains that a child’s emotional well-being is interwoven with the integrity of their parents’ marital wellbeing, and the break that happens between the mother and father in a divorce, happens within a child. They will feel broken in some way, and this has far-reaching effects, often more than those which are immediately apparent.

Children of divorce may experience depression, anxiety, addiction, anger, compulsions, and other damaging psychological effects, all of which may rise to the surface years after the event and not even be perceived as being related to the divorce. Agoura Christian Counseling provides support to help navigate these challenges and promote healing.

In some form, they will be more vulnerable to believing lies about their lovability, their ability to love others, and God’s love for them. This does not place judgment on divorced parents, but rather shines a light on the truth of what they’re going through, to help them in their healing process.

How to help children of divorce.

A practical way to improve the psychological impact of divorce on children is to manage how one acts toward and around one’s ex-spouse, provided that both parties are invested in being a part of the parenting journey. This interaction can dramatically influence a child’s perceptions of events and can create a sense of stability amidst the confusion. Some helpful principles include:

Show a united front.

Studies show that children of divorce who cope most effectively are from homes where parents make an intentional decision and effort to present a united front. This means that it is important for ex-spouses to see their role in meeting the needs of their children as separate from their own relationship, and they need to work hard to set differences aside to co-parent effectively.

Given that it is quite rare and perhaps impossible for a truly “amicable” divorce to ever occur, counseling with a trained therapist could assist in making this united front a reality, even if it is mostly exactly that – a front. Children are incredibly perceptive and are likely to notice animosity, although when they observe parents speaking calmly to one another and being united in their views on the child, they will be encouraged.

For example, saying to a child, “Your dad and I both agree that you have tried hard in your schoolwork this term” can inject them with a confidence boost and a sense of stability far beyond the simplicity of the statement.

Don’t delve into the past.

Children of divorce can be helped by parents who leave the past behind them and do not delve into issues pertaining to what led to the marital break-up. This is much more difficult for the spouse who has the majority of custody over the children, and who may be in an emotionally vulnerable space.

Once again, you must get the support you need to be able to grieve what has been lost, not only for your own wellbeing but so that you can faithfully carry out your responsibility as a parent. When co-parenting, ex-spouses should devise a new strategy that focuses on what needs to happen going forward.

This does not mean you must avoid bringing up memories related to their childhood, as one’s family history is an important part of building a sense of self and one’s place in the world, but viewing your post-divorce parenting chapter as paving a new way forward.

Avoid criticism at all costs.

There needs to be a fixed agreement that verbal attacks and negative attitudes about the other parent in the presence of the children aren’t allowed. Awareness that this is quite emotionally damaging to children who are already fragile as children of divorce, can be a motivator to refrain from dismissive remarks, regardless of how innocuous they are or how easily they slip off the tongue.

Christians are aware of the power of the tongue because (for example) James 3:5b-6 (NIV) warns us to “Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”

It is also worth remembering that the tongue merely reflects what it is in the heart, and even though divorce will have caused terrible pain and distress, believers are called to forgive the other person completely, just as in Christ God has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32).

Keep discipline consistent.

Acting out and “bad behavior” is a common response by children of divorce. Children lack the emotional language necessary to articulate their pain, and so this is the only way they feel able to express themselves. This can also be linked to behaviors that were not previously tolerated but are now allowed as a result of a divided parenting front and emotionally distracted parents.

Parents acting out of guilt for what their child is going through can compensate with unhelpful allowances, which take away any remaining sense of security that the child has in their disciplinary boundaries. It is therefore helpful to discuss and agree on boundaries and methods of enforcing discipline so that there is as little deviation “in the rules” across households as possible.

Given that children who are coping with a divorce will have a propensity to test boundaries, highlighting this consistency as a key priority will go a long way toward promoting a sense of emotional security for the children.

Communicate changes to adults first.

Ex-spouses need to keep each other informed of any changes such as a move, new job, partner, or any other significant information. Making children of divorce the primary source of this sort of news puts them in the middle of an adult communication process and generates fear and tension.

Remember that a divorce can be the scariest thing a child can go through, and this can make them fearful in general, as everything they know as stable has been uprooted from under them. Being mindful of how and when new information is introduced can go a long way toward helping them with their anxiety.

While divorce is not part of God’s plan for families, the reality is that statistics show a startling one in two marriages end in divorce, and the numbers show little variation across Christian and non-Christian households. Children of divorce can suffer silently, with the emotional trauma playing out in various ways over the years.

Being able to help them by showing a united front in parenting, and making the decision to rule out name calling and blaming, can be instrumental in how they process and rationalize their pain.

Being able to internalize and externalize kind, objective communication with one’s ex-spouse requires much emotional strength and is probably best supported by counseling for all parties involved, at least until each family member has reached a place where there is a sense of stability and the “new normal” has been embraced. Agoura Christian Counseling can provide the guidance and support needed during this transition.

Ultimately, God can work through a painful divorce to reveal himself as a kind, loving father who cares about his children and their difficult situation, who sees what is happening, and who has a plan for good things for their life and future.

It is a distinctly different world than the times that today’s parents were raised. Between technological advancements and changes in society, it can leave us at a loss with how to navigate modern challenges. Even if we don’t personally possess all the tools to stay ahead of the curve of contemporary change, we can provide access to teen counseling resources where our teens can thrive in the current landscape.

Counseling equips them not only with proactive measures but also with appropriate responses to the volatile nature of some of society’s impactful elements. When our teens are facing challenges that affect them spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally, it can produce pressures that require more than parental guidance, but also professional support to navigate. Agoura Christian Counseling can provide the expert guidance and support needed to help your teen overcome these challenges and thrive.

We see the evidence of Scripture’s fair warning that gross darkness would cover the earth. Yet, the light of Christ blazes even brighter, even when we face adverse circumstances. We must remember that Jesus has left His Holy Spirit here to dwell in us.

The Spirit of God will lead us in obtaining the best resources and counseling support for our teens. As we facilitate relationships with God through our investments and actions both in and outside the home, we can foster resilience in our teens.

We and our children have been invited into an era where our lives bear the potential to release great impact for the kingdom of God. Parenting, even in the modern context, remains a privilege, despite its inherent challenges. We don’t have to scurry in fear, though.

Though we might be inclined to buffer them, it is not realistic to shield them from all challenges. Difficult circumstances will surface in life, but modeling a healthy response can produce resilience.

We don’t place our teens in harm’s way; instead, we exercise godly wisdom and gentleness. Paying attention can help us to note where our teens may be experiencing challenges that invite a closer look and a search for counseling. We don’t have to stalk our teens, but invoking the Holy Spirit’s help in raising our awareness can alert us of particular changes.

Behavior and actions can reflect some of the symptoms associated with depression and anxiety in teens. Shifts in mood or behavior, including appetite, hygiene, and sleep can indicate a deeper issue that warrants support for mental and emotional health.

It is possible, however, to build a firm foundation in our teens so that they are well prepared to stand against threats. They may face challenges with anxiety or depression, given the spiritual attacks and the societal challenges prevalent in today’s world. However, we can equip them with access to what they need for total wellness.

For example, counseling is a viable tool that produces comprehensive benefits. Working with a counseling professional can support a teen in developing their identity by exploring their natural aptitudes and abilities.

Counseling offers a toolkit to navigate daily challenges and activities, process traumas, and develop coping techniques for symptoms of anxiety and depression. Counseling supports teens with techniques to manage their mental state, but also regulate the uncomfortable emotions that often accompany intrusive and depressive thoughts. It can provide opportunities for teens to work through social challenges and conflicts.

As our children grow, we must acknowledge that they have some topics that they may not wish to share with their parents. Counseling can provide a safe space to connect with an objective, yet empathetic and supportive adult.

Next steps for teen counseling

As much as we experience rapid change with our teens, they also encounter a range of challenges. These can weigh heavily on their mental and emotional state. If you find that your teen is exhibiting symptoms that may require counseling support, don’t delay.

You cannot diagnose them, but you can provide access to a supportive professional counselor through this site. It may be a different world than the one that you encountered as a teen, but your son or daughter will benefit from having practical ways to navigate it. Connect with Agoura Christian Counseling today for support.

If you have a blended family, you want the best for everyone involved. Here are some tips for a blended family like yours. If you need additional help, don’t hesitate to reach out to a Christian counselor, at Agoura Christian Counseling, who is experienced in helping blended families navigate their unique challenges.

Tips for your blended family.

Communicate openly and honestly with all family members, including children.

Communication is key in blended families to ensure that everyone’s needs and feelings are heard and understood. Some tips for effective communication in blended families include:

• Encourage open and honest communication among all family members.
• Set aside regular family meetings or check-ins to discuss any concerns or issues that may have arisen.
• Listen actively and without judgment to each family member’s perspective.
• Use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs, rather than placing blame on others.
• Be willing to compromise and find solutions that work for everyone.
• Make sure to have one-on-one conversations with children in the blended family to understand their feelings and address any concerns they may have.
• Encourage children to communicate openly and honestly with their stepparents and step-siblings.
• Be patient and understanding when dealing with any communication challenges that may arise in the blended family, as it can take time for everyone to adjust to a new family dynamic.

It’s important to remember that communication is an ongoing process and it’s essential to keep working on it to keep the family healthy, happy, and safe.

Establish clear boundaries and rules for behavior within the blended family.

Establishing boundaries in blended families is important to ensure that everyone feels respected and valued. Here are some tips for establishing boundaries in blended families:

• Clearly define roles and responsibilities for each member of the blended family.
• Set clear boundaries for behavior and respect the boundaries of others.
• Establish consistent discipline and consequences for any behavior that is not acceptable.
• Set boundaries for personal time, space, and privacy for each family member.
• Encourage open communication and respect for each other’s feelings and opinions.
• Establish boundaries for blending family traditions and values, while also being open to learning and respecting new traditions.
• Be clear about expectations for communication, such as frequency and mode of contact for non-custodial parents and step-parents.
• Be willing to negotiate and adjust boundaries as needed to ensure that everyone’s needs are met.

It’s important to remember that boundaries are not meant to be rigid and can change over time as the family dynamic evolves. It is important to review and adjust boundaries as needed. It’s important to involve all the family members in the process of setting and adjusting boundaries, especially the children in the family, to make sure everyone feels heard and respected.

Show patience and understanding towards each family member’s situation and feelings.

Blended families can have a wide range of unique feelings among family members due to the complex dynamics involved. Some common feelings among family members in blended families include:

Jealousy. Children may feel jealous of the attention and affection given to step-siblings or step-parents, while step-parents may feel jealous of the biological parent’s relationship with their step-children.

Resentment. Children may resent the presence of a step-parent or step-siblings, while step-parents may resent the child’s attachment to their biological parent.

Guilt. Children may feel guilty for wanting to spend time with their biological parent or for feeling loyalty towards them, while step-parents may feel guilty for not being able to replace the biological parent.

Loneliness. Children may feel lonely if they are not able to form close relationships with their step-siblings or step-parents, while step-parents may feel lonely due to a lack of emotional connection with their step-children.

Grief. Children may experience grief over the loss of the previous family structure, while step-parents may grieve the loss of the traditional parent-child relationship.

Anxiety. Children may feel anxious about the changes in their family structure, while step-parents may feel anxious about their role in the family.

It’s important to remember that these feelings are normal and can change over time as the family dynamic evolves. It’s important to provide emotional support and understanding to all family members to help them cope with these feelings. Encourage open communication and seek professional counseling or therapy if necessary.

Encourage and facilitate relationships between step-siblings, step-parents, and children.

Fostering individual relationships within a blended family can be challenging, but each family member needs to have their own personal connections within the family. Here are some tips for fostering individual relationships in blended families:

Encourage one-on-one time. Set aside time for each family member to spend alone with their step-parent, step-sibling, or biological parent.

Respect individuality. Recognize and respect the unique personalities, interests, and needs of each family member.

Provide opportunities for shared interests. Encourage family members to participate in activities or hobbies that they enjoy together.

Encourage open communication. Create an environment where family members feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings.

Show appreciation. Show appreciation for each family member’s accomplishments and milestones.

Practice empathy. Try to understand and empathize with each family member’s perspective and feelings.

Be patient. Building individual relationships can take time, so be patient and understanding as family members adjust to the new dynamic.

Seek professional help if needed. If there are any challenges or conflicts that arise, seek professional counseling or therapy to work through them.

It’s important to remember that each person in the blended family is unique and you should encourage and support the development of individual relationships within the family. Building individual relationships within the blended family can take time and effort, but with patience, understanding, and open communication, it is possible to create a loving and supportive family unit.

Take time to celebrate each family member’s accomplishments and milestones.

Celebrating each family member’s accomplishments is important in blended families for several reasons:

• It helps to build a sense of unity and belonging within the family. When family members feel recognized and celebrated for their accomplishments, they are more likely to feel valued and connected to the family as a whole.
• It helps to foster self-esteem and confidence in each family member. Recognizing and celebrating accomplishments can help to boost self-esteem and confidence, especially in children, as it helps them to feel that they are making a valuable contribution to the family.
• It helps to create positive memories and traditions within the blended family. Celebrating accomplishments together can create positive memories and traditions that can help to bring the family together.
• It helps to build stronger relationships among family members. When family members celebrate each other’s accomplishments, they are more likely to develop stronger and more supportive relationships with one another.
• It helps to acknowledge the unique roles and contributions of each family member. Celebrating accomplishments can help to acknowledge the unique roles and contributions of each family member and can help to promote a sense of individuality within the blended family.
• It helps to create an environment of positivity, support, and encouragement within the blended family. Celebrating accomplishments can help to create an environment of positivity, support, and encouragement, which is important for the overall well-being and development of all family members.

In a blended family, it’s important to acknowledge and celebrate each family member’s accomplishments, no matter how big or small, as it can help to build a strong, supportive, and loving family unit.

Show appreciation and gratitude toward your partner for their role in the blended family.

Showing appreciation and gratitude towards your partner for their role in the blended family is important to maintain a healthy and strong relationship. Here are eight ways to show appreciation and gratitude toward your partner:

1. Express your feelings verbally. Tell your partner how much you appreciate and value their role in the blended family.
2. Show affection. Show physical affection such as hugs, kisses, and holding hands to show your appreciation for your partner.
3. Show appreciation through actions. Show your appreciation by doing things that show you care, such as cooking a special meal or doing a household chore without being asked.
4. Show support. Show your support by being there for your partner, listening to their concerns, and offering help when needed.
5. Show appreciation through gifts. Give small gifts or tokens of appreciation to show your partner how much you care.
6. Show gratitude by recognizing their hard work and effort. Show gratitude by recognizing and acknowledging the hard work and effort your partner puts into making the blended family work.
7. Show appreciation by taking time for each other. Show appreciation by taking time to spend together and make memories.
8. Show appreciation by saying “Thank you”. Saying a simple “Thank you” can go a long way in showing your appreciation and gratitude towards your partner.

It’s important to remember that showing appreciation and gratitude towards your partner is an ongoing process, and it’s important to make it a habit to show your partner how much you care and appreciate them for their role in the blended family.

Be patient and seek extra help when needed.

Keep in mind that building a blended family can take time and patience, but with open communication and understanding, it can become a loving and successful family unit.

Seek professional counseling or therapy if necessary to work through any challenges or conflicts that may arise. If you feel stuck in any area, reach out to a qualified Christian counselor, at Agoura Christian Counseling, today for help.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a complex neurological disease defined as “a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development.” (ADHD Institute) For ADHD symptoms in kids to be diagnosed, several symptoms which negatively impact social, academic, or occupational functioning must be present in two or more settings (ie. at home, school, with friends, etc.). Agoura Christian Counseling can provide support in creating a personalized plan for your child to thrive.

ADHD symptoms in kids

Inattentiveness – This could range from an inability to stay focused on a task for the required amount of time, to losing things, switching activities without completing the first one, and not being able to organize tasks properly or carry instructions out effectively.

Excessive physical movement – While not all children with ADHD present with hyperactivity, clear symptoms for some include an inability to sit still, together with fidgeting and constant movement.

Reckless behavior – Children that seem to engage in reckless behavior, without a reasonable awareness/concern of the risks involved, could be showing symptoms of ADHD.

Emotional outbursts – While all children struggle with tantrums and being able to express their feelings, ADHD symptoms in kids include these sorts of outbursts for children who should otherwise have mastered some level of self-regulation. These symptoms relate to low impulse control and do not appear normal compared to peers of the same age.

Constant stream of conversation – Many children are chatty, but kids with ADHD tend to speak without stopping. They can also be prone to interrupting others.

Daydreaming – When one thinks of children with ADHD, one often assumes hyperactivity and difficult, troublesome behavior. This is not always the case, and one of the ADHD symptoms in kids to look out for includes daydreaming. A child can seem lost in their own world, and find something of interest to play with en route to getting something else or following instructions.

It’s important to intervene if your child seems to be displaying some of the symptoms above so that an early diagnosis can be made. Left untreated, ADHD can affect a child’s self-esteem and development, as they will not fit in as easily as other children in the traditional classroom environment. This is not to say that they are not smart, but they will likely need a treatment plan that helps them harness their unique skills and helps them navigate life effectively.

ADHD symptoms in kids are treated in a variety of ways. Medication is by no means the only solution, although it may play a role. A mental health professional will eliminate other potential causes and then, once diagnosed, your doctor, a therapist, and your child’s school may work together to create a plan involving behavioral therapy, parent education, and school support.

While it may seem that ADHD is not something that requires Christian counseling, if a child is receiving behavioral therapy, it is always helpful to have them receive advice from someone who is speaking from a Christian worldview.

We have counselors trained in kids counseling, who will be able to help your child verbalize how they are struggling and come up with joint solutions to tackle situations where their ADHD symptoms negatively impact their ability to perform. Agoura Christian Counseling is here to provide the support your family needs.

A happy family is but an earlier heaven – Sir John Bowring

The quote from Sir John Bowring reminds us of the profound impact that one’s family can have on them. Our families are the place where we first discover what it means to be loved and accepted. That is where our identity, sense of delight and wonder and belonging first develop. When our family is a happy one, that truly is a small taste of the wholeness God desires for people.

The converse of that is that when our family is dysfunctional in one way or another, it can have many negative repercussions that reverberate throughout our lives. The good news is that family problems aren’t permanent fixtures. They can be addressed, and unhealthy patterns of behavior can be substituted for healthy ones with help from a Christian counselor.

Different types of family problems.

Families come in many different shapes and sizes, and no two families are the same. Each family has its own stories, traditions, quirks, and flaws that give it its unique shape. Family problems don’t manifest in the same way, nor do they affect family members in exactly the same way. That being said, the following are some of the common problems that families experience and that can create an unhealthy dynamic. Agoura Christian Counseling can help guide you through these challenges, offering support to restore balance and strengthen your family relationships.

Addiction issues, anger issues, or mental health challenges.

These issues can include depression, eating disorders, anxiety disorders, body dysmorphia, dementia or others. These challenges don’t just affect the person concerned; they affect the whole family and sometimes are contributed to by the family dynamics.

Issues with communication.

The family members may struggle with talking with each other and understanding one another’s concerns and interests. In some families, there may be very little to no communication whatsoever, and in others the family struggles with effective listening skills.

Lack of forgiveness.

People wound each other, whether inadvertently or intentionally. These slights can create rifts in a family, which may lead to resentment or factions forming in the family.

Lack of mutual support within the family unit.

This may range from lack of support over choices of lifestyle or career, to withdrawal of financial support. Sometimes, lack of support manifests as constant criticism.

Control issues, including codependency.

One or more family members may be too invested in the lives of the others, leading to controlling behaviors and not letting people make their choices and deal with the consequences

Abuse.

This includes emotional, physical, or sexual abuse in the family. These shatter the sense of safety that ought to exist within a family, and they unleash potential mental, physical, and emotional issues.

Sudden transitions.

Dealing with changed circumstances, such as the breadwinner losing their job and the family having to thoroughly downgrade their lifestyle.

Changing family dynamics.

through either a new baby being born, creating a new blended family through marriage, adopting a child, or a young child becoming an adolescent. These changes can spark off insecurities about the new normal and what one’s place is in the new situation.

Grief due to the loss of a loved one.

That loss can be through death, divorce, a broken relationship, moving away from loved ones, chronic severe illness or through a disease like schizophrenia or dementia in which the loss may be gradual.

Parenting issues.

Discipline issues with the children, or the parents being on radically different pages about how to raise their children.

These issues and many others may affect how family members interact with one another, and they can create unhealthy dynamics in relationships.

How to address family problems.

Challenges of various kinds will interrupt even the most idyllic family situation. These difficulties ae inevitable, as life will always give us lemons. However, what isn’t inevitable is that these challenges destabilize your family and leave your bond in tatters. Often, when issues come up, matters escalate for a variety of reasons including:

• People are too angry to listen to one another.
• The family doesn’t possess the skills to communicate felt needs effectively and constructively.
• Family members have different points of view and solutions, but are unable to negotiate successfully or respect the different viewpoints.

When these factors come together, a challenge can escalate and threaten the integrity and wellbeing of the family.

When an issue first presents itself, there are several things that the adults in the family can do to deescalate things and work toward a healthy resolution.

Figure out if the issue is worth confronting. Some issues are neither here nor there, and there’s no need to take a firm stand.

Resist the impulse to push your perspective and prove that you’re right or win the argument. Remember that you’re in this together, and a solution that works for everyone benefits the whole family. If you’re angry, take a moment to breathe so that you don’t speak in anger and say or do something you’ll regret.

When you speak, do your best to separate the person from the issue. Confusing the two may make it hard for you to show compassion.

Define and name the issue. That way, everyone knows what the issue is and (hopefully) sticks to the topic at hand. Even with complex issues, it’s better to try and deal with things one issue at a time.

Respect the other person’s perspective and demonstrate that by listening to them carefully. It takes great skill to listen without getting distracted and not jumping to conclusions or interrupting. Paying close attention to non-verbal cues, summarizing what’s been said, and asking clarifying questions will help the other person feel heard, and you’ll know what their concerns are.

The value of listening well is that it makes it easier to respond to the issues as they are, not as you perceive them. Parents can model effective listening to their children, and it’s a skill that will serve them in later life.

As you listen, try to find common points. Express yourself clearly and try by all means to stay calm and put your emotions to the side. This will help you in the attempt to see things from the other person’s perspective, and it also prevents your emotions from overwhelming or undermining the feelings of others particularly where there are different power dynamics in the relationship.

Propose and come up with as many possible solutions as you can. These solutions will likely contain some compromise, which means that you’ve both yielded ground to one another. It is important that when you agree to a particular solution, everyone should clearly understand the chosen solution and commit to work it through. Of course, situations change, and solutions may need to be revisited and updated if they aren’t as practicable as initially thought.

Christian Family Counseling

Family dynamics take time to develop, and they involve every member of the family. Changing those dynamics takes time and concerted effort. Ingrained habits don’t die easily, and they require sustained effort by the whole family for tangible change to be seen. Don’t give up though. A happy family life is beneficial for all, and it is worth fighting for.

Family problems can be complex, and sometimes strong emotions or power imbalances make it difficult to resolve the issue on your own. In such situations, or where you find that matters have escalated beyond your capacity to engage well with each other, such problems can only be addressed in a counseling situation.

Consider making use of Agoura Christian Counseling to address family problems. Counseling is a neutral space in which you can receive skilled guidance and the tools to develop healthy communication.

It is a powerful way in which you can make an effective commitment to changing things in your family.

Make the effort to get the most out of your counseling sessions. Even if some family members aren’t on board, those who are on board can do the work and begin changing things around. By God’s grace, the positive example and influence of others often does affect those around them. Reach out today and contact a Christian counselor who can walk with your family toward a healthier and happier home life.

If physical abuse or sexual abuse is present in a home, it’s hard to ignore. Children who show up to school with injuries and are extremely volatile tend to draw attention from teachers, friends, and pastors. Children suffering from this form of abuse are traumatized by these life-altering realities. If you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of abuse, seeking help from professionals, such as those at Agoura Christian Counseling, can provide the support needed for healing and recovery.

Homes like these are often unstable and part of a larger story connected to substance abuse, addiction, and psychological disorders. Since others from outside the home can usually tell something is going on, there is a higher chance of these forms of abuse being addressed because the horrors of these forms of abuse are hard to ignore.

However, there are other forms of abuse that are more subtle and less easily noticed. Two such forms are emotional abuse and neglect. These forms of abuse typically don’t get addressed and therefore the victims usually go untreated.

Many seemingly “perfect homes” are filled with unknown pain and suffering because of emotional abuse and neglect. Often these are the sins of Christian homes. Most Christians know that sexual and physical abuse is wrong and will avoid crossing such obvious lines, but that doesn’t mean their families embody the love of Christ.

Christians must be especially careful to not fall into patterns of emotional abuse and neglect. Just because your church family might not be able to hold you accountable for these behaviors, you will eventually answer for them.

What are Emotional Abuse and Neglect?

Emotional Abuse

The U.S. government defines emotional abuse toward children as, “Emotional abuse (or psychological abuse) is a pattern of behavior that impairs a child’s emotional development or sense of self-worth.” This means you don’t have to be physically hurting or sexually violating a child to be abusing them. Emotional abuse can be constant criticism of a child or a refusal to acknowledge their experience.

Common forms of emotional abuse are:

• Calling them names.
• Screaming at them.
• Blaming them for things that aren’t their fault.
• Insulting them.
• Constant criticism.
• Threatened violence.
• Allowing them to see violence toward others.

These forms of abuse may hit much closer to home. You may read this list and feel your heart begin to hurt because you know you’ve emotionally abused your child. If that’s true, don’t stop reading. The only way to move forward is to acknowledge what is going on and get help so you can restore the relationship with your child.

If you are finding yourself having a tough time reading this article, consider reaching out to a Christian counselor. Many of them specialize in family work and will be able to help your process and resolve whatever is taking place in your own heart, so you don’t have to take it out on your children.

Neglect

Neglect isn’t necessarily another form of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is typically intentional. So emotional neglect can be a form of emotional abuse if a parent is intentionally choosing to neglect a child, such as refusing to feed or properly cloth a child.

Common forms of neglect are:

• Physical neglect: not providing shelter, clothing, food, or water to a child.
• Medical neglect: not providing proper hygiene or medical care to a child.
• Educational neglect: not making sure a child is properly enrolled in school and attending classes.
• Emotional neglect: not caring for the child’s emotional needs and experiences.

But there are times when neglect is unintentional. For example, if a child comes home from school sad about their grade on a test and their parents shrug it off, it could be an example of unintentional emotional neglect.

By shrugging them off instead of asking them about how they are feeling and why, they miss an opportunity to help them grow emotionally. Again, this isn’t necessarily intentional, but it still is a moment of neglect.

How to spot emotional neglect and abuse in children

Since these forms of abuse are more subtle, they are often more difficult to identify. However, there are some symptoms and signs that a child may be suffering from either emotional abuse or neglect or sometimes both.

Typical signs of emotional abuse in children are:

• fear about a parent.
• telling friends and teachers that they hate a parent.
• low self-esteem.
• emotional immaturity in comparison to their peers.
• trouble with speech (stuttering, talking too fast or too loudly).
• sudden changes in performance or mood (doing poorly in school).

While most of these symptoms or behaviors can have multiple sources, a consistent pattern of behavior signals something is going on. If you are parents, teachers, or youth leaders observing a child, keep these behaviors in mind as you engage with a child. If you notice a pattern of behavior, consider talking with another parent, principal, or pastor about your concerns.

Neglect in some senses is easier to identify because the results are often reflected in the dress and physical appearance of the child. Although emotional neglect and lack of supervision can produce symptoms that are much more difficult to spot.

Typical signs of neglect in children are:

• Lack of attendance or enrollment in school.
• Insufficient clothing for the weather.
• Begs for or steals food or money.
• Lacks basic personal hygiene.
• Abuses alcohol or other substances.
• Lacks proper medical attention and care.
• Is left home alone unsupervised for hours.

These are signs that a child could be suffering from neglect in the home. Teachers, youth leaders, and parents should remain alert to these sorts of behaviors.

A Christian Response

Christians are commanded in the Bible to raise up their children in the way they should go. This does not consist of emotional abuse or neglect. Both experiences traumatize children and can contribute to sinful patterns in their life.

Christian homes must acknowledge that they are not immune to these sorts of behaviors. Taking students to church on Sunday does not equal good and loving parenting. Parents must consistently be searching their hearts and examining their behavior with their children.

Are you being present to them in their emotions? Are you giving them the encouragement they need? It’s easy to begin thinking that your words don’t leave a lasting impact or that they see and know you love them, but if you aren’t showing that to them, then they may suffer these very abuses.

Christians must also be alert to families and friends in their community who may be perpetuating this form of abuse. It’s easy to become very harsh and critical with children when you are trying to raise them in the way of righteousness. If you see yourself or others responding to children harshly, it is important to address these behaviors.

If you or someone you love is struggling with this sort of behavior toward a child, consider Christian counseling. Often, children trigger painful memories or push you to your limits. In these moments, if you have not pursued health and healing yourself, then you can respond in negative ways.

A Christian counselor at Agoura Christian Counseling, will be able to help you parse out your family dynamics. They will give you advice on how to respond to a troubled child and how you can create emotional margin for yourself.

Conclusion

It’s easy to miss emotional abuse or neglect in your home. If everything seems to be going alright, you might miss the more subtle forms of abuse that can occur in your family. Followers of Jesus must constantly root out these behaviors from themselves and become advocates for children in these situations.

God’s heart is as gentle as it is firm. Sometimes firmness feels like good parenting, but Christians need to remember God’s heart is gentle and merciful. He wants his children to feel and know his love personally, and that should be your goal for your own children.

Parenting a child with unique health challenges is something that parents of typically developing children rarely consider. Yet, when you’re the parent of a child with special needs, their needs can take over your whole life and change everything. The responsibility can feel like the hardest task you’ve ever faced. After all, you love your child fiercely, and they are completely dependent on you to be their caregiver, advocate, and provider.

Each child with special needs faces unique challenges. There is no “one size fits all” for special needs. The wide variety of potential issues, as well as the rarity of each one, can make special needs parenting an intensely isolating experience – there are so few people who can truly relate to your experience.

With the advent of the Internet, online communities have formed for support for special needs parenting. Yet it isn’t enough to be able to discuss your experience in Facebook groups; online friends are hugely helpful, but you need an entire support system to help you, including real-life friends who can provide support and a listening ear.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the kind of robust support system that enables them to thrive in demanding situations.

Whether or not you have access to understanding friends, supportive family, and financial support, you are worthy of care and help. Don’t ignore your own needs, even though those of your child are so pressing. No matter what kind of challenge you and your child are facing, you have people who care about you.

If you haven’t considered Agoura Christian Counseling for special needs parenting, think about whether it might be a good fit for you. You can start by browsing our online counselor directory [link] and read on to find out more about support for special needs parenting.

Types of Special Needs

What do we mean by the term “special needs”? According to VeryWell Family:

“Special needs is an umbrella term for a wide array of diagnoses, from those that resolve quickly to those that will be a challenge for life and those that are relatively mild to those that are profound. It covers developmental delays, medical conditions, psychiatric conditions, and congenital conditions that require accommodations so children can reach their potentials.”

So, the term “special needs” can refer to any number of conditions. VeryWell Family breaks the term down into the following categories:

• Medical issues (cancer, heart defects, cerebral palsy, etc.)
• Behavior issues (ADHD, Tourette’s syndrome, etc.)
• Developmental issues (autism, Down syndrome, etc.)
• Learning issues (dyslexia, auditory processing disorder, etc.)
• Mental health issues (anxiety, attachment difficulties, etc.)

Sometimes the phrase “special needs” can have a stigma attached to it, and people assume that they know what it means. But no matter what your child is dealing with, the bottom line is that they’re facing challenges that a healthy or neurotypical child doesn’t.

We must also recognize that words matter, and there is an etiquette surrounding labels and terminology about health challenges. CerebralPalsy.org emphasizes that we should avoid using any term as an identifier – in other words, it’s preferable to say, “children with special needs,” rather than, “special needs children.”

For those who have typically developing children, it may be tempting to gloss over the difficulties faced by parents of children with challenges and struggles, because we don’t know how to respond. Some people are truly insensitive and uncaring, but many of us want to be helpful and supportive, yet don’t know what to say.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you’re interacting with the parent of a child with special needs (HuffPost):

• Avoid any insensitive questions, like asking if the condition is genetic.
• Don’t try to relate if you can’t really relate.
• Don’t offer platitudes, even if they’re Scripture-related.
• Don’t offer unsolicited advice.
• Validate how hard they work.
• If possible, comment on something unrelated to the disability.
• Ask how they’re doing.

At the end of the day, children who have special needs, and the parents who care for them, are people just like the rest of us. Try to put yourself in their position before making any comments or asking questions. And always consider the context; sometimes a smile in passing is enough to make someone feel supported and that they’re not viewed as an intrusion by those around them.

Challenges of Special Needs Parenting

There are many types of struggles involved with special needs parenting. Many parents become full-time caregivers and advocates for their children. Most likely, they spend a great deal of time talking to billing departments and insurance companies, going to doctor’s and/or therapy appointments, and supplying hands-on care. They are at higher risk than the average parent for burnout, anxiety, depression, grief, and exhaustion.

Full-time caregiving is an incredibly intense, hands-on, emotionally depleting role. Some parents are working the equivalent of two full-time jobs while caring for their children with special needs. One study found that moms of teens or adults with autism had stress levels similar to those of combat soldiers (Boston University).

Also, according to Boston University, sources of stress range in special needs parents range from anxiety about their child’s pain, guilt about not having enough attention for other children, and a sense of isolation from parents of typically developing kids, to grief over what both parents and children with special needs are missing out on.

If you have a special needs parent in your life, practical and emotional support might be the most important thing you can offer, whether that takes the form of friendship, listening, financial gifts, practical help like meals or shopping, etc.

Of course, the support you can offer depends on the kind of relationship you have, but by simply being there for a special needs parent, you can make a dramatic difference in their ability to persevere through the challenges they face every single day.

Most importantly, make sure that a parent facing special needs is seen, heard, and remembered. Isolation is a detriment to their ability to survive.

Finding Support for Special Needs Parenting

If you are parenting a child with special needs, self-care is crucial to your survival. Here are some tips, including a few ideas from Good Therapy:

Find support wherever you can.

There are many resources available to you, and it’s worth the time and effort to find them. Beyond the basics of medical care and therapeutic intervention, make sure you’re plugged into support groups (both off and online if possible) and take time for individual counseling to help you reduce stress and avoid burnout.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Unfortunately, many people won’t recognize that you’re struggling if you don’t mention it, but on the flip side, many people are willing to help if you ask. Your local church may be able to connect you with practical support.

Take time to do what you love.

You may not be able to engage in your favorite hobbies on a daily basis but try to set aside some time to relax every day. If you have any interest in a hands-on hobby, these can be the most therapeutic if you can devote a little time to them. Try art journaling, embroidery, woodwork, painting, etc.

Consider respite care services.

Depending on your child’s needs, you may have access to respite care that can provide you with time to take a break while knowing your child is in good hands. Don’t be afraid to avail yourself of these services; your child will receive help from you being rested and taking time off.

And remember:

“In addition to experiencing high levels of chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, parents of children with disabilities are faced with the heartbreaking limitations that exist in a world where not all children are included, considered, and prioritized in the same ways. As you work to confront and overcome these limitations and to secure services, treatments, opportunities, and access for your child that will help them develop and thrive, it’s easy to ignore or minimize your needs. Far from being a self-indulgent luxury, your self-care is a critical necessity.” (Good Therapy, emphasis added)

Christian Counseling for Special Needs Parenting

If you do only one thing for yourself, connect with an individual counselor who can walk with you on this journey. By setting aside only an hour a week, or whenever works for your schedule, either in person or via video chat, you can have a safe place to vent, grieve, set goals, and be yourself. It’s a time set aside just for you.

Agoura Christian Counseling can help remind you that not only does at least one other human see you and support you, but God also is the one who is always there for you, and who has promised to never leave or forsake you. Though other people may fail us when we are walking through trials, God will never leave us alone.

We all need to feel heard and understood. As a parent facing a battle to care for your child each day, as their number one caregiver, supporter, and advocate, it is essential that you also have a supporter. Contact [Christian Counseling] today to schedule your risk-free initial session.

We all know how resilient children are. Kids are often the ones who pull us back to what is good, beautiful, true, and holy about a moment or a situation. They’re often who adults credit as keeping up morale in the family or providing hope. Children possess an incredible capacity to view the world through fresh eyes. Their vibrancy, resilience, and joy are gifts from God. If you’re seeking support in nurturing these qualities in your family, Agoura Christian Counseling can help guide you through challenges and help foster a positive environment.

As adults, God has given us these precious children to steward. We are the ones who have been given the privilege of teaching them about God, themselves, and the world. Adults get to watch children as they unfold into the people God wants for them to be. We steward the development of children’s physical health and children’s mental health.

In the last several years, there’s been a positive shift towards the mental and emotional development of children. Kids were once viewed as less-than adults. While this mindset persists in some places, it’s changing. Adults are realizing, like Charlotte Mason said, “children are born persons.”

They’re born with the innate capacity to experience emotions. Children have opinions, thoughts, insight, and feelings just as adults have. We’re all learning to develop these- regardless of our age. Kids need us to help steward and teach them as they develop and grow.

Today we’re going to talk about supporting children’s mental health by building emotional awareness, vocabulary, and emotional regulation skills for children. Hopefully, these tips and information will help adults better steward and educate the kids in their lives.

God gave us a wide range of emotions and these can be overwhelming and confusing for kids (and adults!) to navigate. Providing them with some basic skills and knowledge will help set them up with success for what will be a lifelong journey of emotional awareness, processing, and discovery.

Helping Kids Identify Emotions

Kids feel big feelings. We’ve likely all watched a toddler throw a fit, a young child cry out of sheer joy, and a teen experience anger that seemed to come from nowhere. Adults can usually recall vividly intense emotions from childhood. This is all normal. Kids are more in-tune with their emotions. At the same time, they have fewer skills to identify and process these emotions.

It is up to us as adults to help kids learn to identify and name their feelings. The most common way to do this with very young children is to give a name to the child’s feelings. Little children wear their emotions on their sleeves.

An adult can say something like “You feel sad because your toy broke.” or “You feel angry because I won’t let you have a cookie.” At this age, there’s not a lot of nuance or the ability to hide feelings yet. When adults help to name the emotions, children begin to develop an emotional vocabulary. This also helps them learn what they feel as well as why they feel it.

When children get older, we might say, “I wonder if (or imagine) you’re feeling _____ over ______” We can then pose a couple of emotions for the circumstances and situation and let them see what they resonate with.

Or we can try saying “Your body language tells me you might be feeling _________, does this feel true to you?” This may even need to continue into the teen years on occasion as the teen brain sometimes can’t regulate and process emotions as well as the world expects them to.

Charts displaying different emotions, either cartoon drawings or photos, can also be helpful tools. Some families, schools, and churches choose to keep these readily available so the child can point to the emotion(s) that they are experiencing.

Adults who model emotional awareness have been shown to raise more emotionally aware kids. Expressing our feelings around children, as appropriate, is so beneficial. We can express our feelings about the current moment, share how we felt as a child of a similar age, or pose how we might feel in a certain situation.

We need to be mindful to communicate our feelings and hear children’s feelings gently and peacefully. Refraining from judgment is important here. A simple matter of fact statement such as “I understand you’re feeling _____” is enough. Adults far too often dismiss a child’s feelings or tell them they should feel a different way. This is not appropriate or necessary.

Giving children a strong emotional vocabulary is so important. Kids need to be able to give words to their emotions. When they’re tiny we can start with the most basic emotions: happy, sad, angry, scared. As they grow, we can begin to give more depth and nuance to these words- joyful, grief, anxious, furious, frustrated. There are over 400 emotion-related words in the English language, if we can equip our children with at least half of these, they’ll be in great shape!

Emotion Processing and Regulation Skills

Processing and regulating emotions go through the same stages for every emotion. Sometimes we do this consciously and other times it is entirely unconscious. We may even go through all of the stages in one fell swoop at the same moment – the human brain is amazing! These are the steps:

• The first step in processing an emotion is to sit with it to figure out what exactly one feels.
• Next, comes naming the emotion.
• Then, the time comes to share the emotion with someone else, if desired. This step should never be forced. If a child doesn’t want to share their feelings, please don’t force them to.
• Last, we begin the process of regulating the emotion.

Remember, these may all happen at once. For some emotions we may begin to regulate them at exactly the moment we feel them, such as screaming when frightened or smiling with joy. These are automatic responses God gave our bodies for regulating and processing emotions. The final step is more to do with processing and regulating the emotion long-term. It has to do with developing coping skills for the next time we feel this way. This also involves counseling, journaling, meditation, group therapy, and other ways to process and learn to regulate emotions.

Christian Counseling for Children’s Mental Health

God never intended for us to journey alone. Modern life has people more isolated and alone than God ever intended for us to be. The Bible tells us that God gives different gifts to different people to help build up the body and support God’s kingdom.

Christian counselors can travel the journey with us, and the children in our lives. God has given counselors skills, insight, and access to proper training. These are folks who have chosen to use the gifts and talent God’s given them to help steward and teach God’s people. This includes children!

Kids of all ages can benefit from time with a counselor. So can the parents and adults in their lives. Some children may benefit from a handful of sessions to gain skills or learn something new. Other children may benefit from many years, or lifelong, time with a counselor.

Each child is different. Every child has gone through different experiences and processes the world differently. One size does not fit all with counseling. What does reign true is that virtually all children can benefit from meeting with a counselor at some point in their life.

A Christian counselor can be especially helpful when working on emotional skills and language with children. They’ve been specifically trained in children’s mental health and know how to speak to kids about feelings. A counselor will be able to uniquely help children find words for their feelings, sit with them, process them, and deal with them in healthy ways. This is something most parents, teachers, and other adults are ill-equipped to do, despite their best intentions.

Some children are resistant to parental help or discussing their emotions with their parents. These children especially benefit from working with a counselor. They may be hesitant at first and may even become angry, hostile, or bitter towards a parent for requiring the work to be done. Yet parents, children, and counselors will see the benefits and the fruits of the labor later on.

There’s no right or wrong age, stage, or life experience to pursue counseling for kids. If a counselor feels a child doesn’t need support, they’ll communicate it with the parents. Life is becoming increasingly stressful and difficult for kids these days. Parents can use the extra support and reinforcement, a counselor at Agoura Christian Counseling  can support children’s mental health and emotional development.