3 Active Listening Examples

Active listening is one of the best ways to improve your relationships with a single step. There are simple ways to become an active listener, which will bless all your relationships.

What is Active Listening?

Active listening is an intentional way to slow down and learn more from the person who is talking to you. With this technique, you’ll get far more out of the conversation than you normally do. It’s an effective way of listening that helps people feel respected, affirmed, and loved.

Active listening is not simply paying greater attention. It involves asking key questions while putting your desire to respond on pause. It’s an excellent way to improve communication and build or repair relationships.

The Keys to Active Listening

To become an active listener, you must be mindful in all your conversations. You need to pay attention to both verbal and nonverbal communication to understand where to take the conversation next.

It’s important to not interrupt the other person. If necessary, hold your tongue between your teeth as a reminder to listen without interrupting. Also, you need to think through what you will say next before responding. A short pause before each response can help you be an intentional listener.

While you are listening to the other person, you can transcribe the conversation in your mind. Take in as many details as you can, especially what they are thinking and feeling. The nonverbal cues like facial expressions and tones of voice will also help you interpret their meaning.

To get the most out of the conversation, you’ll need to ask clarifying questions like “Did I hear this right?” or “Is there anything else I need to know?” The speaker will then be able to cover all the ground in the conversation.

How Active Listening Works

Active listening is a way to repeat what the speaker said to ensure clear understanding. It’s good to see how this looks in several examples.

Example 1: Marriage

The wife wants her husband to help more around the house. Here’s what the conversation looks like without active listening.

Wife: “I am tired of working in the house all the time without your help. When are you going to start helping me instead of me having to do everything?”

Husband: “You don’t always do everything. I do help sometimes.”

Wife: “I didn’t say that you never help. But I need more help from you. I can’t do this all by myself and I want to know when you will help me.”

Husband: “You’re always on my back about stuff like this. Can’t you just give me a break?”

This conversation is quickly descending into defensiveness, which blocks communication. Now let’s see how this conversation would look with active listening.

Wife: “I am tired of working in the house all the time without your help. When are you going to start helping me instead of me having to do everything?”

Husband: “It sounds like you are frustrated that you’re working on the house, and you want more help from me. Is that right?”

Wife: “Yes, I’m frustrated. I feel like I’m doing it all, and that’s not fair.”

Husband: “What I hear is that you think the chores around the house aren’t divided fairly, and you’re doing more than your share. Can you tell me more?”

Wife: “I don’t mind doing most of the housework. But I’d like you to help with the dishes and the yard every week. That would take a load off me.”

Husband: “So you’re saying that if I help with the dishes and yard work, you’d feel less frustrated. Did I get that right?”

Wife: “Yes, that’s right. I’d like you to start helping on those chores this weekend so we can have more downtime together.”

Husband: “Okay, so if I complete those chores, we can have more downtime to enjoy together. What would you like to do after we complete our chores?”

With active listening, the husband resists getting defensive and listens to his wife’s needs. He keeps his anxiety or anger to himself while affirming his wife’s needs. They arrive at a mutually satisfactory solution faster because he practiced active listening.

Example 2: Parenting

A mom is frustrated with her teenage son’s unwillingness to clean his room.

Mom: “I am sick of your room looking like a wreck. I need you to pick up your mess now.”

Son: “I’m right in the middle of a video game. I’ll do it afterward.”

Mom: “I don’t care about your game! You can take fifteen minutes to clean this up. It looks and smells terrible.”

Son: “You’re always giving me a hard time! Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

Let’s see what this conversation might look like if the mom starts without criticism and practices active listening.

Mom: “Honey, please take your headphones off for a moment, press pause on your game, and listen to me.”

Son: “Okay, what do you want, Mom?”

Mom: “I’m concerned about the uncleanliness of your room. Can you explain to me why it’s usually in disarray? You used to keep it much cleaner.”

Son: “I’m juggling a lot between football practice and my class load, and I just haven’t taken the time to keep up my room.”

Mom: “I hear you’re very busy with football and schoolwork. Can we strategize on times that are best for you to pick up your room?”

Son: “I could probably take fifteen minutes each Saturday morning to pick up my room.”

Mom: “So I’m hearing you’ll clean your room on Saturday mornings. Is it okay for me to check in with you then to keep you accountable?”

In this scenario, the mom is respecting her son and asking him to engage with her to find a solution. She is supportive and empathetic.

Example 3: Work

A manager and employee are having a misunderstanding.

Manager: “Where is the report I asked you to send? I emailed you about it yesterday, but you haven’t yet responded.”

Employee: “Do you remember I had that emergency meeting yesterday morning? I’ve been swamped ever since.”

Manager: “I’m getting tired of hearing these excuses. We have a fast-paced office, and you need to keep up.”

Employee: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now, and I just don’t think I can handle anything else.”

The manager could learn more from this employee with active listening in play:

Manager: “Where is the report I asked you to send? I emailed you about it yesterday, but you haven’t yet responded.”

Employee: “Do you remember I had that emergency meeting yesterday morning? I’ve been swamped ever since.”

Manager: “Yes, I do remember that meeting. What happened that made you feel swamped?”

Employee: “The meeting lasted an hour and a half longer than I anticipated. It put me behind all day, including replying to emails. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to the report sooner, but I’m doing the best I can to catch up now.”

Manager: “Since it sounds like you need more time to catch up due to the longer-than-anticipated meeting, how much extra time do you need to get the report ready?”

Employee: “I’m certain I can have it to you first thing in the morning. Will that work?”

Manager: “If you can get it to me by then, that will be fine. Next time that client visits, we’ll budget more time for their meeting. Will that help?”

With active listening, the manager is in problem-solving mode, which helps in the short term as well as the long term.

In these three examples, you can see the benefits of active listening. By affirming feelings, withholding judgment, avoiding defensiveness, and seeking more information, you can improve your communication.

Improving Your Skills

Active listening skills challenge us to go against our natural responses of defensiveness, blame, and stonewalling. They help us avoid interruption and criticism. But they aren’t always easy to put into practice.

You can learn how to develop your active listening skills with the help of a skilled Christian counselor. Your counselor will role-play specific situations with you to help you learn how to overcome relationship issues. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how effective active listening can be in turning relationship problems around.

To receive the customized coaching, you need for active listening in your relationships, contact us today. A compassionate Christian counselor is ready to help you.