5 Characteristics of a Trustworthy Person

Think about someone who you trust implicitly. Why do you trust them? What is it about them that makes you feel like you can rely on them? In general, a trustworthy person probably has these characteristics (or at least we believe they do):

• They have your best interest at heart.
• They don’t want to hurt you.
• They can handle difficult situations with a certain level of equanimity.
• They care about other people.
• They recognize that you’re a separate person and have the right to your own ideas, thoughts, perspectives, etc.

The level of trust you have in each person also depends partly on your relationship with them and on what you trust them to do. If you trust your boss, that might mean you rely on them to pay you dependably, to be fair, and not to have an anger problem at work. If you trust an employee, you might trust them to show up on time, do the work they’re being paid to do, and be cooperative and polite.

If you trust a family member, you might trust them to know details of your life (e.g., financial, relational, etc.) and not divulge them to others or use that information against you. You might rely on them to be there for you if all else fails. If you trust your spouse, that means you’re depending on them to be faithful to you, to share in the burdens of life, and to keep their vows to you into old age.

Trust is a fragile and beautiful thing. When it’s there, it makes a relationship feel safe and secure. But when it’s broken, it can take years to rebuild. In some cases, rebuilding broken trust can be impossible. If you’ve experienced broken trust in a relationship, it can be a struggle to know whether you should try to rebuild it. Broken trust in one relationship can seep into other relationships in your life, making it difficult to trust anyone again.

5 Characteristics of a Trustworthy Person

Let’s return to that list at the beginning of the article. Here are some characteristics of a trustworthy person:

1. They have your best interest at heart.

This doesn’t mean they’ll always do what you would want them to do, but you know their decisions and even just in their being human, they care about you and want what’s best for you. If you know that about someone, the relationship can endure through many difficulties.

Think about our relationship with God: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) We trust the Lord because we’ve embraced the truth that he will do what is best for us, no matter what it might look like to us today.

2. They don’t want to hurt you.

All relationships involve conflict and hurt feelings, at least occasionally. All of us get irritated or angry and sometimes say things we don’t mean. But if you know at the core of your relationship with this person that they would never want to do something to leave a lasting wound, you can trust their heart and intentions even during conflict.

Again, let’s relate this to our relationship with the Lord. We know that he is good, and that his love endures forever (Psalm 136), and that he does not willingly afflict us (Lamentations 3:33). Knowing that his heart toward us is good, we can trust him to care for us amid hardships.

3. They can handle difficult situations with equanimity.

Equanimity means, “mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a tricky situation.” We tend to find people very trustworthy, especially as leaders when they can keep their cool in stressful situations, or at least lash out at others when things aren’t going their way.

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.” (Psalm 23:1-3) Someone who walks with the Lord can feel peace through the upheaval of life, knowing that the Lord is their shepherd.

4. They care about other people.

Many times, we find people trustworthy not just because of how they treat us, but because of how they treat others. God calls us to serve each other out of love (Galatians 5:13) and bear each other’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). When you see someone doing this, it says a lot about their character.

5. They recognize that you’re a separate person and have the right to your own ideas, thoughts, perspectives, etc.

An ability to differentiate oneself from another person is a mark of emotional maturity. People who can allow you to be yourself and speak for yourself demonstrate that they are not threatened by your individuality, and they don’t feel the need to control you or keep you in their shadow to have the relationship they want to have with you.

“But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.” (Galatians 6:4) We see here that although Scripture speaks of the church as a collective body, we each also have an individual relationship with God, and we must focus on our own responsibilities and not just what others are doing.

Someone who has these five characteristics is most likely someone you can trust. But how can you build trust when you’re still getting to know someone, or when you’re recovering from past wounds?

How to Build Trust in a Relationship

It’s important to build trust in many different types of relationships:

• At work, build others’ trust in your integrity and work ethic.
• At home, build your family’s trust in your loyalty and respect.
• In marriage, build your spouse’s trust in your faithfulness and love.

Let’s use marriage as an example. How would you build trust in your marriage, especially if you’re just starting? It depends, of course, on each individual’s communication style, but you would let your spouse know that they mean the world to you and that you are a person of integrity who would never pursue an extramarital relationship.

Psychology Today offers a few ways to build trust in a relationship:

• Be honest and follow through on the things you say.
• Speak with courtesy to your spouse, just like you do to people outside your home.
• Be willing to be emotionally vulnerable with your spouse. Express how you’re feeling instead of expecting them to just notice it.
• Be a giver, not just a taker.

Building trust is a two-way street: it’s what you do to help your spouse trust you, and it’s what you ask for them to do for you. In the end, we can never force someone else to be trustworthy. We can use discernment to understand what’s happening in a relationship and whether/how to improve it. Christian counseling for relationship issues can help you navigate these dynamics with love, grace, and wisdom.

What Causes Trust Issues in Relationships?

Trust issues in a relationship do not always stem from betrayal within the relationship. Trust issues can also be rooted in childhood experiences, social rejection, bullying, trauma, mental health conditions such as anxiety or fear of abandonment, and more.

If you are someone who struggles with trust issues, do not feel as if you are a lost cause. Difficulty trusting someone can be caused by your brain trying to protect you from getting hurt again.

Individual counseling for trust issues can help you:

• Identify, work through, and heal the root causes of your struggle to trust other people.
• Understand who is worthy of your trust.
• Learn how to walk in freedom and grace, not in shame.
• Learn to let your guard down with the right people.

Sometimes trust issues do stem from betrayal or lack of integrity in another person. Counseling can help you identify trust issues coming from your past and struggles to trust someone who may not be trustworthy or who may have betrayed you. Individual or couples counseling can also help you identify whether a relationship can be saved after experiencing betrayal or dishonesty.

How Do You Repair Broken Trust in a Relationship?

Betrayal doesn’t just break trust – it breaks hearts. A betrayed spouse will need to go through a healing journey in addition to deciding whether they want to rebuild the relationship. Whether you’re married or want to rebuild trust with someone you’re dating, a family member, or a friend, here are some ways to rebuild that foundation:

• Change the actions that led to the broken trust.
• Take accountability for what you did and be open about it.
• Start over, as if you’re building a new relationship from scratch.
• Be willing to seek individual, couples, or family counseling. Christian counseling can help you work through the issues surrounding broken trust in a safe and understanding environment.

Remember that for trust to be rebuilt, there must be something to build it on. If you genuinely believe another person is not trustworthy, then there is nothing to trust. Trust can’t be built in someone who is dishonest, deceitful, or doesn’t care much about you.

But you can still heal on your own! Individual counseling can help you process what happened, uncover your feelings, and examine the facts of your relationship before you commit to a rebuilding process. Whether you choose individual counseling, couples counseling, family counseling, or another approach, contact us today at [phone #] to schedule your risk-free initial session.