Marriage Counseling: What to Do When Your Relationship is Fading

Why should you consider Christian marriage counseling? We can think of a number of reasons. Perhaps you can relate. Sometimes when the bills are overdue, anxiety gets the best of your relationship and you forget why you fell in love with your partner. Sometimes when your children are running around at lightning speed and you cannot seem to have an adult conversation or a moment alone, you forget why your partner is your absolute best friend.

Sometimes when your work deadlines are stealing your free time, you forget just how much you love dating and spending quality time with your spouse. Life chaos, busy schedules, rambunctious children, and deadlines are all blessings, but they can also cause friction in your marriage if balance is difficult to obtain.

If you feel distant from your spouse, it is not too late.

If you feel like your communication has halted, it is not too late.

If you feel like your physical intimacy is lagging, it is not too late.

If you feel like your anxiety over bills and schedules are standing in the way of your relationship, it is not too late.

Sometimes we become so consumed with feeling like our relationships are lacking, that we dwell in that mindset rather than doing something about it. Sometimes we feel so lost in our thoughts that we do not realize what to do when it feels like our marriage has been on the back burner.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by how distant you feel today – it is not too late. You are not alone. You and your spouse can reconnect. You and your spouse can laugh together again, regardless of what turmoil you have been through – together or separately. You and your spouse can give each other butterflies once more. Through Christian marriage counseling, you can choose “yes!” to your marriage.

Marriage Counseling Tips

Consider these Christian marriage counseling tips and steps for balancing your marriage and reviving the flame:

1. Realize that seasons of busyness come and go.

“Don’t get so locked into your overwhelming schedules that you haphazardly spend your soul.” – Lysa TerKeurst

When it feels all too easy to focus on social schedules, school/church volunteering, children’s sports, and the new medical diagnosis of a family member, we must not forget that the person God blessed us to do life with is our spouse. We are not meant to be enemies of time with our spouse, but to be each other’s biggest cheerleader and best friend through the good and the difficult seasons of life.

If your schedule is too busy for your spouse, it might be time to re-evaluate. While there will be remarkably busy seasons in life, your lifestyle mustn’t become one of never having the time for going on dates together, having in-depth conversations, taking the time to dream and support one another’s dreams, and making the time for physical intimacy.

It is also pivotal to your marriage to take the opportunities to spend time together in the everyday. Perhaps it is a few minutes of quality time once the kids are in bed or waking up and drinking your coffee and praying together in the morning before the entire house awakes.

A thriving marriage does not mean that you do not take opportunities to pursue your dreams and invest in other people, it means that you learn to prioritize your relationship and take advantage of opportunities when you can. You do not have to carve out a two-hour block on your schedules every day to make your marriage work – you just need to be intentional in the time you do have together.

2. Do not be a “fix-them” spouse.

Lysa TerKeurst said, “God doesn’t want me to be a ‘fix him’ wife, God wants me to be a ‘love him’ wife.”

This statement can resonate with all married couples because it can be all too easy to want to fix everything about our spouse that is annoying. You might want to fix the way they forget to replace the toilet paper roll, or you might want to fix the way they deal with the in-laws. It might annoy you that your spouse never wants to wash the dishes or disappears to the bedroom when it’s time to give your toddlers their nightly bath.

The truth is, you are only accountable for the way that you love and communicate with your spouse. If you focus on the way that you approach the relationship, it can cause a ripple effect and help your marriage blossom in ways that you could never have imagined.

In marriage, we need to focus less on fixing our spouses, and more on loving them the way God calls us to love. Compassion and grace should be at the forefront of one’s emotions and speech. Service is equally important in marriage as is serving in the church or serving our children.

Showing our love and affection, communicating effectively, and praying for and with our spouse are all building blocks to a strong foundation in marriage.

3. When your marriage feels like it is on the rocks, take time to focus on the true Rock.

When it feels like you are drowning in marriage, it is in our nature to want to find the closest escape boat and exit before the waters become too fierce. The truth is, when the waters of our relationship are ferocious, we need to call out to the One who can calm the storm. We need to call out to the One who brings the rainbow after the storm.

Psalm 145: 18–19 reminds us “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.”

Whatever your personal life or marriage is trying to withstand right now, God will not abandon you. If you feel like the waters are raging and there is no rainbow to be found, then start by talking to God. Start by having honest conversations. Start by putting on your life vest and choosing to say “Yes” to working on your relationship with your spouse.

Proverbs 24:3-4 says, “By wisdom, a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” A happy home is not one where conflict never arises – a happy home is one that continues to choose one another despite conflict.

It is choosing to talk openly and compassionately to your spouse, even when it is difficult. It is choosing to greet them at the door with a kiss and a hug even when you are tired. It is choosing to pray for and with them, even when your frustration is getting the best of you. It is choosing to go to church together, even when you would rather sleep in and enjoy a lazy day at home. The decisions will not be easy, but they will be worth it.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. – Ephesians 6:12

Satan wants nothing more than to see our marriages fail. Sometimes the world takes no interest in whether we stay married or give up at the first sign of difficulty. A thriving marriage is one where you continue to say “Yes” to working on your relationship.

It is saying “Yes” to quality time together when you would rather just watch your shows in separate rooms. It is saying “Yes” to trying something that your spouse enjoys. It is saying “Yes” to supporting your spouse and their dreams. It is saying “Yes” to those difficult conversations. It is asking your spouse to pray for and with you when life is getting you down.

The beautiful thing about marriage is that you do not have to carry the weight alone – you can carry it together and surrender your burdens to Jesus. He can help you navigate the storms of life and in your relationship.

If your marriage is struggling or if your personal struggles are in the way of your relationship, know that it does not have to stay that way. There is hope. There is help. You just have to say “yes!”

Saying “Yes” can mean:

• Scheduling a counseling session for you and your spouse today.
• Getting a babysitter so you can sit down at the coffee shop and have an uninterrupted conversation.
• Going out of your way to show your spouse just how much you love and appreciate them.
• Putting on something fancy and going on a romantic date for the first time in five years.
• Carving out time to spend together when you would normally do your own thing.
• Praying together, even when it is difficult.
• Pouring your heart out, even when you do not know where to start.

Will you say “Yes” to your marriage today? Saying “Yes” today can mean a new hope-filled tomorrow for you and your marriage. With the help of Christian marriage counseling in Agoura Hills, you can experience a revitalized relationship in Christ.

How to Get Started with Couples Therapy

If you’re ready to get started strengthing your relationship with your spouse, contact us today schedule an appointment for Christian marriage counseling. Browse our counselor directory or call our office today to begin your growth journey.