Demystifying the Midlife Crisis

Life is hard at times. We take on responsibilities such as family, career, aging parents, home, and self-care because that is what is expected of us and we love the people in our lives. However, sometimes the stressors of life can cause us to rethink how we’ve lived thus far. Are you overly concerned about the things you haven’t accomplished yet? Do you think you should be further along in life (financially, romantically, career) by now? These feelings combined with everyday challenges can create a sense of discontentment and urgency to “fix” your current life. But how real is this midlife “crisis”?

Is Midlife Crisis Real?

According to a poll conducted by Midlife in the United States National Survey, 26% of the participants reported having gone through a midlife crisis. Many of these individuals were either below the age of 40 or above the age of 50 which runs contrary to the popular belief that the midlife crisis age is between 40 and 64.

Midlife refers to the aging transition between young adulthood and the end-of-life stage. For example, the average longevity in the United States is 78.6 years. A person may suddenly feel an overwhelming urge to reevaluate their life in their 40s as they face their own mortality. By this time, many people have lost friends and/or family members to death. The realization that there is only one life given becomes painfully clear.

As people begin to see the effects of aging, such as wrinkles, fine lines, gray and silver strands of hair, and loss of hair, the realization hits a little harder. Add in physical signs of aging like vision changes, lower libido, menopausal symptoms in women, and joint stiffness and aches, and someone young can start to feel old.

Aging may be the catalyst to a midlife transition, but stressors create the crisis. Some people use this time to reevaluate their life thus far and make adjustments to see a few of their dreams become reality.

This requires  accepting their accomplishments and mistakes in the past and planning for the future. For these people, the midlife transition lights a fire under them, and that burning passion fuels their next steps in a positive direction.

However, others become mired down by their past mistakes and choices so they cannot see a way forward without taking drastic steps. This can lead to depression, anger, resentment, anxiety, substance abuse, high-risk behavior, and/or extramarital affairs. With one out of every two marriages ending in divorce, a midlife crisis ultimately affects the entire family.

Sometimes it is not so much a midlife crisis as a search for a new identity. This is the time when people ask, “Who am I? What am I supposed to do? What is my purpose?”

Signs of Midlife Crisis in Women

Women during their late 30s and early 40s notice the first signs of aging. The fine lines around the eyes and mouth, the graying hair, the loss of firmness make aging a visible focus. Not to mention the achiness, weight gain, and hormonal imbalance. But how can you tell if you or your loved one are displaying midlife crisis symptoms?

Since women are traditionally the caregivers in the family, many find themselves facing an emotional crisis and needing to clarify their identity during this midlife transition. It’s not that they want to ignore their children or run away from their grandchildren or spouses. These women are looking to fulfill roles other than those labeled “wife,” “mother, “grandmother,” or “daughter/sister,” etc.

During this time, women begin to awaken to who they really are as themselves, not for who they are to someone else. They are searching for their purpose and the meaningful work that they need to accomplish to make their dreams a reality.

For example, a woman in her 40s or 50s may leave her fulltime career to enroll in college or open a business. She may create a plan to lose excess weight and get fit. She might take up hobbies such as painting landscapes, writing books or screenplays, running marathons, or remodeling her home.

However, a woman can get caught up in the transition phase, overwhelmed with how to make positive changes in her life. The following is a list of signs of a midlife crisis:

• Lost interest in things that used to be appealing.
• Noticeable weight gain or loss that is not intentional.
• Depression, anxiety, and/or insomnia.
• Physical ailments like migraines or gastrointestinal issues brought on by midlife stressors.
• Sudden fear of missing out in life (FOMO) or comparing accomplishments to those of other women.
• Rash, impulsive behaviors and decisions.
• Mood changes due to a midlife decrease in estrogen levels.
• Feeling stuck in life with no vision of the future.
• Obsessing about appearance or not taking care of the body at all.

For women, a midlife crisis is about identity wrapped up in physical and emotional changes with the added stressors of life.

Midlife Crisis Symptoms in Men

According to one study, a man can experience a midlife crisis for three to ten years compared with a woman’s midlife transition period which may only last three to five years. Unlike women, men associate their identity with their careers. Although a man may have a wife and five children, when someone asks him to introduce himself, more than likely he will lead with, “I am a [job position].”

The midlife transition for a man can lead to either feeling unfulfilled with a career that never did satisfy or wondering if that is all there is for a man who has hit the heights of his career trajectory. Men who never reached their full potential may begin to feel bored and bitter about the job they are “stuck” in and this discontentment can spill over into their personal lives as well.

While men who seem to have it all – the career, the house, the family, the cars – may begin to question what it all means in the scheme of things. Where does he go from here? How can he shake things up again?

The following are a few common midlife crisis symptoms in men;

• Depression, anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness or being lost
• Erectile dysfunction and/or disinterest in sex
• Discontentment in certain areas of life
• Impulsive behaviors that can lead to irrational and large purchases or affairs
• High-risk behaviors such as overdrinking alcohol or abusing drugs
• Mood changes and fatigue from lower levels of testosterone
• The urgency to make a change now

A man facing the midlife transition wants change, adventure, passion, and purpose in all areas of his life.

What You Can Do

The midlife transition doesn’t have to be the black hole that society has made it out to be. Reevaluating your life and dreams can be instrumental in accomplishing the tasks necessary to reach goals. You can use this time to readjust your plans to reach higher goals or to introduce new hobbies in a healthy way.

If you are having trouble shifting your perspective to a positive outlook, consider seeking Christian counseling. A therapist can help remind you of your past achievements and appreciate what you do have. They can also help you vocalize the sensations you are feeling.

Since midlife transitions can also bring about mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and grief (feeling of loss), speaking to a mental health care professional can assist you in reframing your thoughts and changing your emotions.

Couples therapy or family therapy would provide a safe environment to express your concerns and fears. Having someone to support you as you navigate this transitional period can help you avoid some of the midlife crisis nightmares that we have all heard.

Whether you are feeling the midlife effects of aging, an empty nest, a health scare, or a stagnant career or relationship, help is available. A midlife transition and the search for a new identity doesn’t have to lead to a crisis.

Remember that sometimes everyday stressors can overwhelm you to the point that you might feel you are facing a crisis daily. But you can overcome this and start an upward spiral to happiness and fulfillment.