Characteristics of a Sex Addict

Sex is one of the gifts that God gave humanity in the beginning. “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth,” God said to our parents Adam and Eve (Genesis 1:28). The beauty of the human form and the union of two bodies in sexual intercourse is celebrated in texts such as the Song of Solomon, a very descriptive book that most of us weren’t allowed to read as children. Sex is a good thing, a blessing from God.

However, that blessing, like all other blessings God has given us, can be misused or distorted. We live in a world where we are bombarded by sex and sexual imagery everywhere we turn, from advertisements to unwanted online pop-ups suggesting discreet sexual encounters and pornography.

Sex is everywhere, and the persistent suggestion is that you’re not living a complete and fulfilling life if you’re not having regular, good sex – and it doesn’t matter who you’re doing it with. Sex has become a global preoccupation, even as many families and church communities lament the damage caused by pornography, infidelity, and sexually transmitted diseases.

In all this, some suffer from sex addiction. Sex addiction is a condition that is controversial for several reasons. Some see it at merely an excuse for bad behavior and escaping responsibility by blaming it on a “condition.”

However, because sexual desire and expression in people with sex addictions are often reported as unmanageable and unpleasant, one can’t help but feel empathy for people who compulsively engage in such behavior which is far from the positive and fulfilling experience that meaningful sex is meant to be.

What does it mean to be a sex addict? How do we understand sexual addiction, what does it look like when someone suffers from it, and what are the results of it?

Understanding Sex Addiction

When someone is labeled a sex addict, there’s an implication that a person indulging in it is drawn inexorably into that behavior. There is a compulsion that keeps drawing them in. Sex addiction refers to compulsive sexual behaviors that a person suffering from it cannot manage.

The sexual behaviors that they engage in are excessive and they go on to significantly impact that person’s life negatively. It’s not only behaviors, which we will explore more later. Sexual thoughts may also be part of the equation, and they interfere with their ability to maintain relationships, work, or perform other daily activities.

The causes of compulsive sexual behavior remain unclear, with several theories being put forward such as the idea that the behavior shares the same reward system and circuits in the brain as substance addiction, but this has not yet been substantiated with evidence.

There are ongoing conversations about how to classify sex addiction. Debate continues whether it should be included as a disorder, among others. The DSM 5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5^th Edition) does not list sex addiction as a diagnosable psychological or mental health disorder. On the other hand, the World Health Organisation (WHO) included compulsive sexual behavior in its International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), defining it as an impulse disorder “characterized by a persistent pattern of failure to control intense, repetitive sexual impulses or urges resulting in repetitive sexual behavior.”

A person who engages in compulsive sexual behavior may fixate on different sexual practices and have certain behaviors and attitudes including:

• A frequent and overwhelming urge to masturbate
• Having strong feelings of attraction to others accompanied by continually being in love and starting new romances. This often leads them into a series of relationships. If they are married, it may lead to multiple affairs
• Having the compulsion to have sex with several partners in a short period of time. Often, this sexual activity is risky in that it’s unprotected and with strangers. They may engage in multiple one-night stands
• Persistent use of pornography. They may also possess a large collection of pornographic material.
• An inability to contain their sexual urges
• Engaging in cybersex (phone sex, sexting, chat rooms, etc.), and soliciting the services of sex workers

• Spending an unusual amount of time talking about sex or always wanting to draw others into sexual behavior such as going to strip clubs.
• Feelings of guilt and shame, which usually follow their sexual activity
• A sense of detachment, because the sexual activity they engage in isn’t emotionally or physically fulfilling, regardless of how often they engage in it.
• Giving up their social, work-related, or recreational activities to allow themselves room to pursue sexual stimulation

People often have different libidos; some people have a powerful sex drive, and their spouse may think it unusually high, while they may think their spouse’s is lower than it should be. Differences like this make it difficult to discern when sex addiction is at play, and if a person should be concerned about their sexual behaviors.

What characteristics would indicate compulsive sexual behavior that can be appropriately labeled as “sex addiction?” The following may help us determine what sex addiction looks like.

• Continued and repetitive sexual behavior despite suffering negative consequences or getting little to no satisfaction from it. For example, someone may continue having one night stands even though their spouse divorces them, and they lose their family, or they keep having unprotected sex even when they’ve contracted sexually transmitted diseases.
• Repetitive sexual activities that become the focus of their life to the point where they neglect their responsibilities, health, or other priorities. They engage in persistent behaviors that cause distress or have a marked negative impact on their social, family, educational, occupational, and other functions. For example, letting their sexual behavior derail them from meeting work deadlines and goals to the point where they might get fired.
• They make many unsuccessful attempts to significantly reduce repetitive sexual behavior, such as unsafe sex with strangers, masturbation, or pornography.
• They have a pattern of failing to control intense sexual urges and the resulting sexual behavior over a long period of time such as 6 months.

This often results in the person with sexual addiction having family and relationship problems as they alienate themselves from their family due to constant infidelity, detachment from their everyday life to fulfill their sexual urges. It also often leads to contracting sexually transmitted diseases due to unsafe sexual behavior with multiple partners. When the person is married, they can pass on an STD to their unsuspecting spouse.

When a person is trapped in the throes of sex addiction, they often experience mood swings and periods of depression. They are often evasive about their behavior and get angry when confronted about it by the concerned people in their lives. As their sexual behavior doesn’t bring satisfaction and often leaves them feeling guilty, that can also bring about depression.

This may be even more so for those who subscribe to the Christian faith and realize that their behavior is violating moral as well as social norms. Due to prioritizing the fulfillment of their sexual urges, they can often also find themselves in serious financial problems, especially if they lose their job because they aren’t showing up, or they rack up debt from soliciting sex workers or purchasing pornography.

Treatment for a Sex Addict

If you’re a sex addict, there is hope for you. Some of the current treatment options for sex addiction include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help the individual change their behavior and reduce unwanted sexual urges while promoting the development of healthy habits and relationships.

Some medications may also be prescribed by a doctor or other licensed health professional. Though there are no medications indicated for this condition by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA), some medications including Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) such as Prozac, or anti-androgens may be prescribed to help reduce sexual urges.

There is also forgiveness for those who could be called a sex addict. Sex addiction can wreak havoc on families and people’s lives. The people affected by the behavior of a sex addict may not easily forgive them, but the Lord in His boundless grace continues to call people toward repentance and healing. His arms remain open for all those who are willing to come.