Dating Advice for Men: 5 Practical Tips for Dating Well

Dating and romantic relationships in the 21^st century are a messy and complicated minefield to wade through. People aren’t working from the same dating playbook, and not only that but many voices are clamoring to give dating advice for men about relationships.

It’s important to stop and think about the advice one receives, to discern whether it makes sense or represents reality, and one way to sort out what works and what doesn’t is to see the outcome of such advice. Many examples of heartbreak and unhealthy relationships result from unwise advice.

What then is a man to do if he wants to enter the dating pool? There are a few pieces of dating advice for men to consider.

Dating advice for men: How to pursue dating well

As with most things, tips for anything aren’t a one size fits all. You need to decide what’s appropriate for you and your circumstances, as well as what will meet your needs.

Wisdom is often gained through painful experiences, but you can also learn by watching the mistakes of others. So, look at your peers with care and consider if what you and they’re doing is effective, or if yours simply chasing your tails and possibly sabotaging yourselves.

Avoid messy situations. There are any number of entanglements that a man can find himself in, such as being with a married woman, or returning to an ex when past issues haven’t been addressed.

The Biblical book of Proverbs in chapters 5-7 gives ample warning about getting entangled with someone in a non-exclusive situation, and while nostalgia can erase and romanticize your past, getting back together with an ex without having addressed your reasons for breaking up is a huge mistake. Other messy situations involve dating multiple women simultaneously.

Do the hard work. There’s a sense in which getting into relationships is easy because there are many people afraid of loneliness who’d rather be with someone than alone, even if it’s not wise. That goes for you too.

Instead of bouncing from one relationship to another, taking your wounds with you into the next situation, do the hard work of reflecting on and dealing with your hurts so that you don’t make your past problems some other woman’s issue to resolve.

No woman is meant to fix you – that’s something you can bring to the Lord and work out through counseling. It’s far too much unhealthy pressure to expect a relationship to heal you. Additionally, do the hard work of growing as a communicator, which includes empathetic listening.

Be intentional. Not everyone is a planner by nature, but you have to put thought into your relationships. One reason for this is that it’s easy to mislead and disappoint yourself and other people.

Being intentional in dating is often eschewed; sometimes people prefer “situationships” to relationships, and that often means dwelling in a nebulous realm of uncertainty about what you’re doing and why.

Knowing what you want and being clear about it can be seen as too strong up front, but part of that depends on how you express your intentions. You don’t have to ask about marriage and kids on the first date, but you can ask if she’s getting into dating to look for something serious or not.

Being intentional also means being willing to own your desires and intentions for the relationship. Playing “the game” may be thrilling, but your integrity may compel you to move past manipulation, to be honest and vulnerable about what you want.

Be clear in your mind about why you want to date, and whether your motives are honorable before the Lord. If the person you’re dating isn’t the person you want to go forward with, let them know as soon and as clearly as possible. Don’t string a woman along because you can’t cut ties with her.

Have and maintain your boundaries. This is connected to being intentional because it’s easy to be drawn into what the other person wants. Your boundaries are about who you are, and what demarcates you as an individual from the other person. Of course, when you date someone their sheer difference, creativity, and personality may push you beyond your comfort zones, but you should know what lines you’re not willing to cross.

These boundaries, such as about money, intimacy, how you communicate, how you spend your time together, and how you interact on social media, allow you to have your individual needs met in a mutually beneficial way. The other side of this is honoring her boundaries.

Find accountability. When men gather to talk about their relationships with women, it’s not always constructive, vulnerable, or honest. Accountability is about having a sounding board and a space to debrief.

When emotions and sexual tension are involved, self-control, purity, and godly wisdom often fall by the wayside. Find a wise, godly man or couple you can speak to about your relationships, or consider seeing a counselor at Agoura Christian Counseling who can create a safe space for you to unpack your relationship.

Dating can be complicated for both men and women, but it’s possible to wisely navigate this season. If you’re looking for additional dating advice for men, consider seeing a counselor to help you unpack any fears, past hurts, or areas of concern.