Depression: Sharing Your Struggle with Others

Millions of people struggle with depression. It is estimated that at least 25% of people will go through a period of depression in their lives. This number feels a bit low. Yet how often do we hear someone say “I’m depressed”? As in the quote above, it’s much easier for us to express our physical pain than our mental and emotional pain.

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.” – C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain

There used to be a stigma surrounding depression. As more people share their experiences, that stigma is being lifted. However, those with depression still find it difficult to share their struggles with those around them. Today we’ll offer some tips on how to share your depression struggles with others. Hopefully, it will help you, or someone you know. And the more folks share, the more any remaining stigma will go away.

If you know someone who is depressed, consider this quote:

If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do. – Stephen Fry

Practical Help for Depression

Start with a small circle of those you trust the most

Folks often hide their depression for too long. God created us to be in community with each other, to support each other, and to walk alongside each other. Yet we often don’t know how to share- or what to share with whom. Start by sharing your depression with those closest to you. Even sharing with one friend or relative can make a huge difference.

There is power in saying things out loud with our voices. Below we’ll suggest some other ways to share that don’t involve talking. But consider one or two people who you trust that you can go to and say, “I need to tell you something. I’m struggling with depression.” or “I feel like you need to know that I’m depressed.” It might be hard to get out of your mouth and you’ll likely find it feels like a huge burden has been lifted as soon as you do so.

You should start with your pastor or someone from church. Some church workers have even received training for helping depressed folks out. They can also help you navigate how to communicate with the others in the church and help you figure out what type of church involvement would be best for you right now.

Your counselor can also offer suggestions for who to reach out to and when to reach out to them. For some folks, a time of keeping quiet may be best. Starting with counseling is a good place to start and then you can go from there to tell those in your life.

Educate

Knowledge is power and brings change. You may wish to begin with educating others about depression before sharing your struggles. Stigmas around depression exist because people have been given bad information. This is, unfortunately, especially true in the church. We have likely all heard stories of depressed people in churches being told to just pray and read their Bible more. This is not a solution to depression and is the result of bad education.

Offer education about depression and encourage your church to do the same. Some churches host classes on different types of mental health struggles. Others speak about it from the pulpit or in church-wide emails. Ask your church leadership to consider education like this if they’re not already offering anything like it.

Educating your friends and relatives can be helpful too. Your counselor can give you the resources to share with them. There are a lot of books, podcasts, and articles that you can give to people. It can also help to share with them the types of depression and what you’re specifically dealing with.

Ask for someone to come alongside you

Once you’ve told one or two others, ask for someone to come alongside you. We face difficult things more easily with help from others. The person you’ve already told can help you share what’s going on with others. They can sit with you as you tell others in-person, help you make phone calls, be an emotional and prayer support and you talk to people, and more.

Or you may wish to ask them to pass the information along for you to your group of friends, family, church, work, etc. Try to pick one or two people who you know will come alongside you, properly educate people (and themselves), and support you in love and prayer.

Turn to social media or email

Modern technology has made it so easy to share information quickly with a lot of people. We have all seen so many social media posts making some sort of announcement. You could use this as a way to share what’s going on with your mental health.

Some folks choose to start by sharing resources about depression on their social media accounts. This will make it easier for you to gradually start including stories of your struggles and what you’re doing to work through them. Others choose to put up a post that announces to their friends, family, and followers that they’re dealing with depression.

Social media gets tricky, however. There are a few reasons behind this. One is that social media can be a major contributor to depression. Research on this is ongoing but increasing evidence points to it being true. So, engaging social media to share our depression stories may be counter-productive for some folks.

The other reason is that social media metrics are difficult. If you make the post at the wrong time of day or even use some of the “wrong” (according to the metrics) keywords, your post may not even be seen. Or it may only be seen by a small handful of people. This not only gets frustrating but can further reinforce feelings of loneliness and pain that depression brings about.

Consider sending private messages, posting on Facebook groups, or sharing information more gradually on social media. As more and more people are leaving social media, e-mail is becoming a more useful tool again too. You may wish to send out an email to a handful of folks who you’d like to have walking alongside you. This can be a good way to share your struggles with folks and get the information out quickly.

Write an old-fashioned letter with pen and paper

It may have been years since you last wrote a “real” letter. This may be a good time to start. Sitting down to write a letter with a pen (or pencil) and paper has a different physiological impact on the brain than typing. This can be more rewarding and fulfilling to the brain than typing. Plus, it can be a good way to communicate with Grandma who doesn’t use email or social media.

You may also wish to write what’s known as a therapeutic letter. This is a letter that you never actually send. In this letter, you can write to anyone you’d like, even to your past or future self. You can share your depression in a raw and vulnerable way knowing that no one else will ever see it. In time, you may wish to edit this therapeutic letter and actually send portions of it to someone. The therapeutic letter is an incredibly powerful tool.

Hopefully, some of these tips will help you as you move forward in sharing your depression with others. Remember, your counselor can help you navigate this process as well. You are not in this alone!