Helpful Strategies for Blended Families

Blended families are increasingly common. This can be due to several reasons. Blended families are formed when two people who have children from previous relationships decide to marry and form a family unit. These children could either be biological or adopted. After getting married, they too might decide to have children of their own.

This type of family is sometimes a result of divorce, the death of a spouse, or someone who had a child but never got married. This type of family can also be called a stepfamily because children from previous relationships are coming together as the couple is coming together.

Raising a successful family, no matter its type or dynamics is not easy. Each family has its own unique set of challenges and some challenges are unique to blended families. This is not to say that they cannot be overcome; all challenges can be if those involved are committed, patient, and understanding.

Building a functioning family unit that is blended is attainable when those in the family, especially the couple themselves, are invested in learning how to manage their new family setup. If the couple is stable and confident, the children and everyone else around will be confident, and they lead from them.

Helpful strategies for blended families.

Open and honest communication.

For people to thrive, find their feet, and deal with difficult emotions, there needs to be a safe space created for those in the family to share honestly and openly. The couple is responsible for making this a reality by how they create space for each other and hence create space for their children and all members involved.

Strive for inclusivity.

All family members will be looking for belonging and acceptance at the start. Some children find it easy, and some children might find it harder. Inclusivity is making the extra effort that might be needed to make those who feel isolated feel more a part of the family. This could be as simple as learning what their favorite movie is and having the whole family go watch it with them, caring about what they care about so they feel seen and included.

Respect and civility.

Love, affection, and bonding are the results of time spent and the relationship built, however, from the onset, both partners need to insist on respect and civility when relating to all members of the new family. This way, they will learn to respect their stepparent, step-siblings, and all extended family members. This is not just for the children but the couple as well; they will lead by example.

It’s not just about the children.

Most times when blended families are discussed, the focus is on the children. As important as the children’s ability to adjust is important, the couple also needs to nurture and build their relationship so they have something solid to stand on. Couple counseling or pre-marital counseling is recommended. For the family to thrive their union needs to thrive.

Make space for excitement and grief.

Acknowledging that family members can experience both the excitement of the new family and still grieve the one they had is important. This is the time to support children and spouses as they go through the normal feelings of change and transition. This can be especially true if children experience the death of a parent. Moving on can be viewed as betrayal and these truths need to be held and understood with empathy and support.

Manage co-parenting expectations.

For those with ex-partners who are still alive, there needs to be a level of respect and civility. Adherence to co-parenting agreements needs to be upheld. Helping children maintain a good relationship with their other parent can be a huge source of comfort for them and hence they can adapt to the new arrangement quicker.

Have realistic expectations.

It is important to establish and communicate expectations. However, to avoid frustration and discouragement one must have realistic expectations, especially with children. Being understanding and adaptable will be essential, especially in the first few months.

Ask for help.

One of the advantages of blended families is that one adopts a large pool of extended family members who can offer help and assistance whenever needed. Grandparents, aunts, and uncles are available to fill in for the parents when schedules clash or if they need extra help as they settle the children.

Christian family counseling

If you feel you and your family might need some outside input and professional assistance, get in touch with our offices. At Agoura Christian Counseling in California, we have qualified family counselors who are ready to support you and your family as you start this journey.