How to Help a Loved One Who is Dealing With Divorce

It’s never easy, seeing someone you love going through a tough time. At times you might wish you could take their pain into yourself. The best one can do is to try and come alongside them in practical and effective ways that support them on their journey. Dealing with divorce needs the support of others.

Divorce is never easy

Some marriages are difficult to watch as they unfold, much less to imagine enduring from the inside. Your loved one may have gone through a horrendous marriage, and the divorce may have been equally so. It may be tempting to pop the champagne and celebrate the dissolution of the marriage, but you may need to slow your horses. Even in the worst circumstances, divorce is never easy.

Whatever the relationship was or what it became, at one point your loved one had hopes for themselves and the relationship. There are reasons they got married and wanted to have a life with their former partner. Those hopes were dashed, and that’s something to mourn.

Also, children in the relationship are affected by divorce in profound ways. Additionally, from a Christian perspective, a healthy respect for marriage as a God-given institution makes one leery to celebrate divorce too easily.

Thus, even in situations where divorce allows one to be safer and ends an unhealthy situation, understand that divorce is never easy.

How to come alongside a loved one dealing with divorce

If your loved one is going through or has gone through a divorce, here’s how you can come alongside them:

Recognize complicated emotions

As mentioned earlier, divorce can be messy and complicated. It’s like a loss. It will involve the 5 stages of grief, which means people may not be consistent about how they feel. One day they may be angry, another they may want to rekindle the relationship. Expect this and help to keep them accountable for their decisions.

You are not responsible for their feelings; that is something only they are in charge of. What you can do is help them recognize and process what they are feeling in a healthy way.

Encourage healthy behaviors

When a person goes through a tough time, they can resort to unhealthy behaviors to cope. Divorce is no different. Your loved one may want to deal with things through consuming drugs and alcohol or engaging in risky behavior such as drunk driving or unprotected sex. Help them by encouraging healthy behaviors like exercise, sleeping well, eating a balanced diet, and going to therapy.

Sometimes, they may need some tough love if they want to stalk their ex on the internet or send them a drunk text. You can stand with them as they go through therapy to deal with their emotions and experiences in a healthy way. Speak truthfully and lovingly to them, affirming what is good, right, true, and noble, without celebrating what is evil and ungodly.

Help them stay connected to the community

One can become isolated from the community on account of a divorce. Sometimes friends are lost during a divorce as people take sides, or one might fall away from the spiritual community due to unkind comments about the divorce. Though it may not be your place to keep them in the community, you can encourage them to remain connected to their communities and be part of their support structure.

Provide your services

Divorce will often entail the couple splitting between two households. The departure of a spouse means the departure of their skill set, support, and time. It may fall to you and a network of friends to help close the gap.

Practical help like school pick-ups and drop-offs, grocery shopping, household or vehicle maintenance, meal preparation, driving them to counseling appointments, and babysitting will help your loved one and make them feel cared for.

Help them stay on task with the children

If there are children in the relationship, that can become a battleground with their ex. You can help your loved one stay on task by keeping the main thing central and avoiding toxic behavior. The kids need guidance and support throughout the process. Toxic behavior includes using the kids as spies or intermediaries with their ex or being hostile instead of cooperative in co-parenting.

If you need additional help

Dealing with divorce is never easy. There’s a cascade of emotions one has to deal with, and it’s easy to engage in unhealthy behaviors that don’t promote one’s well-being. The journey through divorce is one your loved one is going through, but you can support them through that journey in practical and effective ways. That support can make a world of difference amid a difficult time.

You may find yourself out of your depth in helping your loved one. That’s fine; professional help is available to assist them on their journey. A trained and licensed counselor at Agoura Christian Counseling in California can walk with your loved one in this season. Encourage them to reach out today.