Support for Special Needs Parents

Parenting a child with unique health challenges is something that parents of typically developing children rarely consider. Yet, when you’re the parent of a child with special needs, their needs can take over your whole life and change everything. The responsibility can feel like the hardest task you’ve ever faced. After all, you love your child fiercely, and they are completely dependent on you to be their caregiver, advocate, and provider.

Each child with special needs faces unique challenges. There is no “one size fits all” for special needs. The wide variety of potential issues, as well as the rarity of each one, can make special needs parenting an intensely isolating experience – there are so few people who can truly relate to your experience.

With the advent of the Internet, online communities have formed for support for special needs parenting. Yet it isn’t enough to be able to discuss your experience in Facebook groups; online friends are hugely helpful, but you need an entire support system to help you, including real-life friends who can provide support and a listening ear.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the kind of robust support system that enables them to thrive in demanding situations.

Whether or not you have access to understanding friends, supportive family, and financial support, you are worthy of care and help. Don’t ignore your own needs, even though those of your child are so pressing. No matter what kind of challenge you and your child are facing, you have people who care about you.

If you haven’t considered Christian counseling for special needs parenting, think about whether it might be a good fit for you. You can start by browsing our online counselor directory [link] and read on to find out more about support for special needs parenting.

Types of Special Needs

What do we mean by the term “special needs”? According to VeryWell Family:

“Special needs is an umbrella term for a wide array of diagnoses, from those that resolve quickly to those that will be a challenge for life and those that are relatively mild to those that are profound. It covers developmental delays, medical conditions, psychiatric conditions, and congenital conditions that require accommodations so children can reach their potentials.”

So, the term “special needs” can refer to any number of conditions. VeryWell Family breaks the term down into the following categories:

• Medical issues (cancer, heart defects, cerebral palsy, etc.)
• Behavior issues (ADHD, Tourette’s syndrome, etc.)
• Developmental issues (autism, Down syndrome, etc.)
• Learning issues (dyslexia, auditory processing disorder, etc.)
• Mental health issues (anxiety, attachment difficulties, etc.)

Sometimes the phrase “special needs” can have a stigma attached to it, and people assume that they know what it means. But no matter what your child is dealing with, the bottom line is that they’re facing challenges that a healthy or neurotypical child doesn’t.

We must also recognize that words matter, and there is an etiquette surrounding labels and terminology about health challenges. CerebralPalsy.org emphasizes that we should avoid using any term as an identifier – in other words, it’s preferable to say, “children with special needs,” rather than, “special needs children.”

For those who have typically developing children, it may be tempting to gloss over the difficulties faced by parents of children with challenges and struggles, because we don’t know how to respond. Some people are truly insensitive and uncaring, but many of us want to be helpful and supportive, yet don’t know what to say.

Here are a few tips to keep in mind if you’re interacting with the parent of a child with special needs (HuffPost):

• Avoid any insensitive questions, like asking if the condition is genetic.
• Don’t try to relate if you can’t really relate.
• Don’t offer platitudes, even if they’re Scripture-related.
• Don’t offer unsolicited advice.
• Validate how hard they work.
• If possible, comment on something unrelated to the disability.
• Ask how they’re doing.

At the end of the day, children who have special needs, and the parents who care for them, are people just like the rest of us. Try to put yourself in their position before making any comments or asking questions. And always consider the context; sometimes a smile in passing is enough to make someone feel supported and that they’re not viewed as an intrusion by those around them.

Challenges of Special Needs Parenting

There are many types of struggles involved with special needs parenting. Many parents become full-time caregivers and advocates for their children. Most likely, they spend a great deal of time talking to billing departments and insurance companies, going to doctor’s and/or therapy appointments, and supplying hands-on care. They are at higher risk than the average parent for burnout, anxiety, depression, grief, and exhaustion.

Full-time caregiving is an incredibly intense, hands-on, emotionally depleting role. Some parents are working the equivalent of two full-time jobs while caring for their children with special needs. One study found that moms of teens or adults with autism had stress levels similar to those of combat soldiers (Boston University).

Also, according to Boston University, sources of stress range in special needs parents range from anxiety about their child’s pain, guilt about not having enough attention for other children, and a sense of isolation from parents of typically developing kids, to grief over what both parents and children with special needs are missing out on.

If you have a special needs parent in your life, practical and emotional support might be the most important thing you can offer, whether that takes the form of friendship, listening, financial gifts, practical help like meals or shopping, etc.

Of course, the support you can offer depends on the kind of relationship you have, but by simply being there for a special needs parent, you can make a dramatic difference in their ability to persevere through the challenges they face every single day.

Most importantly, make sure that a parent facing special needs is seen, heard, and remembered. Isolation is a detriment to their ability to survive.

Finding Support for Special Needs Parenting

If you are parenting a child with special needs, self-care is crucial to your survival. Here are some tips, including a few ideas from Good Therapy:

Find support wherever you can.

There are many resources available to you, and it’s worth the time and effort to find them. Beyond the basics of medical care and therapeutic intervention, make sure you’re plugged into support groups (both off and online if possible) and take time for individual counseling to help you reduce stress and avoid burnout.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Unfortunately, many people won’t recognize that you’re struggling if you don’t mention it, but on the flip side, many people are willing to help if you ask. Your local church may be able to connect you with practical support.

Take time to do what you love.

You may not be able to engage in your favorite hobbies on a daily basis but try to set aside some time to relax every day. If you have any interest in a hands-on hobby, these can be the most therapeutic if you can devote a little time to them. Try art journaling, embroidery, woodwork, painting, etc.

Consider respite care services.

Depending on your child’s needs, you may have access to respite care that can provide you with time to take a break while knowing your child is in good hands. Don’t be afraid to avail yourself of these services; your child will receive help from you being rested and taking time off.

And remember:

“In addition to experiencing high levels of chronic stress, anxiety, and depression, parents of children with disabilities are faced with the heartbreaking limitations that exist in a world where not all children are included, considered, and prioritized in the same ways. As you work to confront and overcome these limitations and to secure services, treatments, opportunities, and access for your child that will help them develop and thrive, it’s easy to ignore or minimize your needs. Far from being a self-indulgent luxury, your self-care is a critical necessity.” (Good Therapy, emphasis added)

Christian Counseling for Special Needs Parenting

If you do only one thing for yourself, connect with an individual counselor who can walk with you on this journey. By setting aside only an hour a week, or whenever works for your schedule, either in person or via video chat, you can have a safe place to vent, grieve, set goals, and be yourself. It’s a time set aside just for you.

Christian counseling can help remind you that not only does at least one other human see you and support you, but God also is the one who is always there for you, and who has promised to never leave or forsake you. Though other people may fail us when we are walking through trials, God will never leave us alone.

We all need to feel heard and understood. As a parent facing a battle to care for your child each day, as their number one caregiver, supporter, and advocate, it is essential that you also have a supporter. Contact [Christian Counseling] today to schedule your risk-free initial session.