Taking Steps to Build Your Relationship with God

“As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.” So writes the psalmist in Psalm 42, expressing a deep heart and soul yearning to connect with God. There is something beautiful in those words – it is the fact that the yearning is so powerful. The reason for that yearning is just as clear – he thirsts, and he knows what he’s thirsting for. There is joy in knowing that our thirst will be satisfied.

C.S. Lewis wrote: “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are halfhearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” We can try to fill our hunger and thirst with other things, but the only thing that will truly satisfy us is nothing less than God himself.

A relationship with God brings us a deep sense of joy because it’s like returning home after a long absence – it’s where we belong. That doesn’t mean that a relationship with God is easy or simple; often there are things within us that resist God, and we struggle to follow as we should. To go back to the picture painted above, having found a clear spring to drink from, sometimes we decide to slake our thirst elsewhere in a dirty pond.

Truths and Tips for Building Your Relationship with God

Apart from struggling against our inclinations, being in a relationship with God in this world can get complicated. Not everyone understands or is supportive, and that can present unique challenges. How do you go about building your relationship with God?

All are welcome.

The first port of call is to know that all are welcome before God. You don’t have to be a certain kind of person to be in a relationship with God. Whatever your ethnicity, gender, age, socio-economic or other identity markers, God welcomes all people. Jesus ate, spent time with, and welcomed people from every sort of background. He was known as the friend of sinners.

Whoever repents of their sin and believes in Jesus, calling him “Lord,” is adopted into the family of God forever. The playing field is leveled – whether you’re rich or poor, educated or not, whoever you are, and wherever you come from, you’re welcome and loved on the same terms as everyone else in the family.

The first step toward building your relationship with God is to simply “Come.” Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for my yoke is easy and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). We are all invited and welcome to learn a different way to be in life, with Jesus as our teacher.

Only you can do this.

It needs saying that to build your relationship with God, you must be the one to want it and pursue it – no one else can have a relationship with God on your behalf. You can contract out the plumbing and electrical work in your house, or you can hire someone to do your homework, but in building your relationship with God, that’s something only you can do for yourself. Like most relationships, you must be the one who invests time, energy, and resources to make it flourish, and that translates to your relationship with God as well.

Getting to know God.

When you think about all the people with whom you’re in meaningful relationships right now or in the past, there is at least one common thread – you knew those people, and what you knew about them and who they are drew you to them and helped to build your bonds. You love what/who you know, and it’s hard to love something or someone without knowing about them.

You know you love rocky road ice cream because you’ve tried it, you know what it tastes like, and you like that flavor. It is the same with God – “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him” reads Psalm 34:8. Get to know the Lord, see what he’s like, how faithful he is to his promises, how loving and forgiving he is, and you’ll see that he is good.

You have several things to help you get to know the Lord. As you entrust yourself to God’s hands, you’ll have your own stories you can share and look back on that show how good God is. And if you want to see what the goodness of the Lord looks like across the centuries, one way to do this is to read the Bible, a story that covers thousands of years and even more lifetimes.

In the Bible, you’ll read stories that will show you God’s heart, hear God’s words to people throughout time and across generations. In it, you’ll also find wisdom for your own life, pointers to help you walk in the way of Jesus.

Additionally, we are part of a family – a community of other people who believe the same things we do. God’s way has always been for his people to be just that, a people. This community encourages us to keep going in our journey of faith, supports us in good times and the hard times.

Others in the community have stories of God’s goodness that they can share with you, and they can be our strength in times of weakness. For many, being part of a spiritual community brings up painful memories; a community that is meant to be safe at times isn’t, and that leaves a bad taste in people’s mouths.

Without minimizing or dismissing any of these concerns, the value of being in community is indispensable and part of how we express our faith. Lastly, we can learn much about God from the world around us. “The heavens declare the glory of God,” writes David in Psalm 19.

The beauty, infinite variety, and sheer scale of everything in creation tell us things about the God who made it all. Spending time in nature, enjoying the sights, sounds, smells, and textures of the world around us is for many an important way to connect with God.

Invest time and yourself in the relationship.

With any meaningful relationship, you must invest time and energy to make it work. Parents and their children, lovers, friends, and more – for the relationship to thrive, you must put in some hard work. With other people, we are available to hang out with them, we send texts and call them, we hold their hands, and make the effort to hear what’s going on in their lives, celebrating and weeping with them in turn.

Being present for someone else isn’t something you relegate to a small corner of your life, especially if that relationship is a priority. A relationship with God is no different. If we want to grow in our life with God and follow Jesus, we must invest ourselves, our time, and energy.

Spending time reading the Bible, praying, journaling, and meditating on God’s goodness in creation, spending time in worship and service among God’s people all require significant energy, but that’s how our relationship with God grows and deepens. It requires intentionality on our part, and it won’t happen by itself.

A relationship with God is a lifetime commitment, even extending into eternity. The deeper we get in our relationship with God, the more he will reveal areas of growth for us to become more like Jesus. As with any relationship, there will be times when things are going well, and there will also be times of missed connection and hardship.

Christian Counseling for Spiritual Development

Having people around us, whether a spiritual community or a person we trust like a friend or pastor, or even (if necessary) a Christian counselor can help remind us of what is true and keep us walking with God. We were made for joy; we thirst for it, and God is the fountain of joy. Building a relationship with God enriches our lives in a way nothing else can. All we must do is come, see, and taste that the Lord is good, and keep returning to that goodness.

If you’d like additional support building your relationship with God, feel free to contact one of the counselors in the online counselor directory.