Till Death Do Us Part: Marriage Advice to Strengthen Your Relationship

It’s become a bit of a cliché to say that marriage is a beautiful thing, but it also takes hard work. However, cliches become cliches for a reason, and it’s warranted in this case. The union of two people for life is neither a simple thing to walk into nor is it easy to maintain that commitment in an environment of warmth and mutual affection without sound marriage advice.

Marriage Advice for Married Couples

It takes a lot of grace to remain married, and it’s not without merit that it’s been said that “A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” Every marriage has its difficulties, and as you go through the various seasons of life, getting some marriage advice on how to not give up on each other might help you through a rough patch or help you savor the good times even more.

Grow together

People are never static. We are always growing, learning, and experiencing new things that make us change our minds or modify our opinions. The person you marry won’t remain the same, and neither will you. As we go through life – having kids or struggling with fertility, job loss, career growth, gaining or losing weight, moving house, going through grief and loss, enduring illness, experiencing trauma, encountering frustrations, and more – we do not remain the same person.

It can be shocking to discover that you’ve changed and that your beloved has changed too. Because change is an inevitability, the key thing is for you and your spouse to move through it together, to grow together as you encounter the variegated seasons of life.

To continue growing together, you must be aware that change and growth are par for the course, and put into practice marriage advice that will help you do just that. Some of those, such as continuing to talk, are outlined below.

Keep racing one another to the bottom

As a couple spends increasing amounts of time together, that familiarity can breed contempt. It’s not without reason that there’s such a thing as the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship. In the beginning, we may be more tolerant of certain things a person does, like how they do the dishes or how they manage their finances. We’re in love, so we let it slide and don’t make too much of a fuss about it.

However, over time our compassion and grace may begin to feel a little taxed, and so we may get impatient. There are a few Bible verses that provide marriage advice that is challenging in doing life generally, but especially when it is applied in the context of a marriage, a situation where you live and do life with the same person.

First, we are reminded to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32); second, “Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4); third, “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8; and lastly, “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (Romans 12:10).

More specifically, Paul provides the following marriage advice in Ephesians 5:21 that we are to “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” then he goes on to advise wives to submit to their husbands as to Christ, and for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and was willing to die for her.

The long and short of it is that in the Christian life, and marriage, it’s not about getting what I want and looking out for my rights; rather, it’s about loving and serving one another and racing one another to the bottom.

Instead of loving one another for a season and then getting frustrated over the long haul, we are to love one another deeply, forgive one another’s faults, and continue to seek the good of the other. That can only work by the power of the Holy Spirit, because on our own our fervor flags and is erratic.

Keep talking

For a couple to grow together and to continue knowing how best to love and serve one another, they need to keep talking. Good communication is not only good marriage advice, but the lifeblood of a great marriage, and you need to create space to keep talking beyond the mundane talk of who’s doing what chores. To do that kind of talking, you need to remain curious about your spouse, and eager to learn more about them.

In addition to being curious, remaining vulnerable is also key to meaningful conversation. If you’re not willing to open yourself up (as well as receive what your spouse says), it’s likely your conversation will linger at a surface level. A posture of curiosity coupled with empathy and effective listening skills is a potent combination.

Life can inundate you with tasks that you need to do, and it’s easy to lose touch with your spouse. So, whether you set up a regular date night, or you cuddle together at bedtime and talk through the day, make room in your lives to simply talk and connect.

Set boundaries

Every healthy relationship requires to help avoid frustrations and relational dysfunctions such as codependency. Because you are a unique individual with your own set of needs, goals, concerns, and foibles, setting boundaries allows you to communicate to your spouse what you value and what your tolerances are.

If you want a bit of space when you get home from work, for instance, communicating a boundary helps your spouse know that you need time to unwind before engaging. When that need is met, you can be fully present. Similarly, if you value calm engagement in a conversation and you don’t like being shouted at, you can create a boundary that honors that.

Or you may feel that it’s important to be clear about how often your in-laws can visit, or whether either of you can have friends of the opposite gender. Boundaries create the terms of engagement and help you know how best to love one another and respect your individuality.

If you don’t know how to create healthy boundaries, you can get help from a licensed marriage and family therapist who can help you discern the areas in which you may need boundaries and how best to lovingly enforce them.

Have accountability

What happens between a husband and wife behind closed doors is their business. No one should strong-arm their way into what happens in a marriage. Having said that, it’s important to ask if you have a sounding board. Is there someone to whom you are accountable? A couple can struggle with an issue by themselves, and they may do so because they feel embarrassed.

Often, other couples have gone through or are going through the same things, and having a sounding board can help you recognize just how common certain marital issues and concerns are. Whether it’s an older couple whom you both respect, a spiritual leader, mutual friends, or a marriage therapist, you need to have someone to talk to who can keep you accountable.

You don’t have to struggle alone, and in other situations, it’s helpful to have an outside perspective to help you remain true to your vows and commitment to one another. You don’t need to go into the gory details with your accountability partners, but it certainly helps to be honest about your struggles with someone who knows you, is sympathetic to your situation, and is rooting for your marriage.

Just having someone who will pray for you and your marriage makes a huge difference. There are many challenges that marriage will face, but they don’t have to be faced in the absence of community and support.

As Dave Willis has said, “Great marriages don’t happen by luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect, and a rock-solid commitment between a husband and a wife.” By God’s grace, though it can be hard, the coming together of two imperfect people in an imperfect world through marriage is a beautiful thing.