When Anger Is Unjust and Unproductive: Bible Verses About Anger

Have you ever found yourself feeling like you’ve been disrespected, dismissed, or taken advantage of in some way? What was your reaction? For many people, being treated in a way that infringes upon their dignity leads them to feel a plethora of emotions, and one of those emotions is anger.

Anger is a powerful emotion that plays an important role in our daily interactions. Unfortunately, the way we often handle our anger and what our anger is telling us is problematic. Like any other emotion, how one deals with anger makes a huge difference in whether their relationships continue to flourish or get undermined and destroyed.

As we will see, the Bible has a lot to say about anger, and even those we might call heroes of the faith have their flaws. God in His wisdom tells us these stories in order that we might learn from them and live in ways that bless us and the people around us.

Expressing anger well

Anger, like our fear, is a primal emotion that plays a significant role in our lives. When your personal boundaries are threatened or violated, anger is one of the emotions that alerts you to this fact, and it stirs you to act to restore balance. That’s why if a person insults you or takes advantage of you, you begin to feel a certain type of way about it. Mixed in with feelings of sadness is anger, and that anger lets you know that something untoward is taking place.

The feelings of anger that various situations stir up are meant to find expression in action of some kind. The problem often is that anger is a powerful emotion that can override other considerations, such as what is appropriate and the other person’s feelings.

That’s one reason why the Bible talks about the destructive capacity of human anger, and why it needs to be handled carefully. Instead of giving in to anger, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19-20, NIV).

If the first thing to do to express anger well is to recognize it for what it is and not give it its head, then what comes next includes directing anger where it needs to go, which remedies the situation without causing undue harm to others.

So, for example, if you get chewed out by your boss at work, coming home and taking that anger out on your spouse or children, or on the innocent barista that gets your order wrong is not the healthy way of dealing with your anger. Instead, talk to your boss about how he or she addressed you, and if he or she was right but conveyed it in an inappropriate way, take the time to also deal with yourself and what you need to correct.

It takes skill, but it is possible to express your needs and expectations without causing harm to yourself or others.

Bible Verses About Anger

David’s unjust anger

We find a story in 1 Samuel 25 in which David gets angry at a man named Nabal because he refused to give David and his men a token of appreciation for protecting Nabal’s shepherds and flocks. David had indeed been honorable to Nabal’s shepherds, and they had protected them.

But from Nabal’s perspective, David’s request to Nabal that he give David and his men whatever he could find for them may have come across as threatening. Nabal didn’t recognize David as the future king of Israel, and whatever protection David had provided had been given of his own volition and without any urging from Nabal.

Though Nabal didn’t owe David and his men anything in the strictest sense, Nabal is described in the story as “surly and mean in his dealings” (1 Samuel 25:3, NIV), and he refused to be generous toward David and his men.

When Nabal arrogantly dismissed David’s men and sent them away empty-handed, David felt affronted, and he decided to strap on his sword and muster his men with the intention of killing Nabal and every male who belonged to him (1 Samuel 25: 22, 34).

David’s desire was to avenge himself with his own hands (1 Samuel 25: 33), and it’s only because Nabal’s wife Abigail intervened with persuasive words that David’s anger was turned aside, and he relented from carrying out his plan.

The story of David, Nabal, and Abigail acts out the Proverb that says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV). David was ready to murder a man and his people because the man refused to honor the work that David had voluntarily done, but Abigail’s words effectively helped him to see reason. It’s not one of David’s best moments.

Was David right to be angry? Perhaps, because he had provided protection for Nabal’s servants, and he wasn’t asking for much in return for his labors. But in his anger, he decided to murder someone over bread, water, and meat that was withheld from him. David’s chosen vehicle for expressing his anger, violence, was not the best or most godly expression of anger.

David’s unproductive anger

In another situation, narrated in 2 Samuel 13, David was serving as king, and he had many children by several wives. One of his children, a son named Amnon, became obsessed with his half-sister named Tamar. Amnon was urged by his friend Jonadab to hatch a plan to get Tamar alone in a room with him. Despite pleas from Tamar, Amnon proceeded to violate her.

We read: “When King David heard all this, he was furious” (2 Samuel‬

The one who attempts to comfort Tamar is her brother Absalom‬, ‬but her father does nothing. If anger is stirred up, it is often with good reason, and we are meant to remedy the situation. David rightly got furious, but that anger went nowhere. ‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

In the story, there are several reasons that may suggest why David didn’t act. David was recovering from his own situation of unfaithfulness – he had taken Bathsheba even though she was the wife of Uriah, and he’d slept with her.

When he found out she was pregnant, David first tried to cover it up by sending Uriah home to sleep with Bathsheba. When Uriah didn’t do that, David arranged to have Uriah killed (2 Samuel 11-12).

Sometimes, you feel compromised as a person, and that may neuter your anger and the right response you know you ought to take. If you are unfaithful in some way, though you may be angered when you encounter unfaithfulness in others, you may get angry but then do and say nothing.

After all, who are you to say anything about it, when you’ve failed in similar ways? David did nothing, and in doing nothing he set the stage for a civil war as Absalom, David’s son, later tried to usurp authority from his father.

Our anger may be neutered by a variety of things, whether it’s because we feel compromised, or because we are afraid of addressing the situation head-on. Anger becomes unproductive if we feel it and do nothing to remedy what that anger is highlighting.

Getting Help

In the stories we explored, we saw that when David’s anger was mired in apathy in one case, and in the other story it threatened to lead him into bloodthirsty vengeance against a perceived enemy. Thankfully, Abigail stepped in and helped David practice reason and avoid bloodshed.

Not only did David not act unjustly upon his own anger, but through Abigail’s words, he recognized the folly of what he was about to do. Instead, he entrusted his complaint to the Lord. David expressed his displeasure with Nabal, and God dealt with Nabal in His own way.

In many ways, David’s story is the real-life outworking of the verses in Romans that read:

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” – Romans 12:19-20, NIV

Unlike the Lord Jesus who loved those who hated Him, David didn’t go so far as helping his enemy, but David did leave room for God’s wrath. In our lives, we need to learn self-control, but the Lord may send an Abigail to help us along.

For you, that help may come in the form of a family member, friend, or spouse. Another form that may take is through an anger management counselor who can help you learn effective ways of expressing your anger.

Your counselor will help you develop good communication skills so that you can listen well to others. You can also learn how to articulate calmly, clearly, and assertively what you want or expect. Instead of being mired in either apathy or expressions of anger that are harmful to others, your counselor will help you learn constructive ways of engaging your own anger and expressing it.

Our emotions are part of who we are, and your counselor can help you handle anger in effective ways that bring healing and blessing to your relationships. If you struggle with anger and find that it has a hold on you, reach out to a counselor today to get the help you need.